this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026
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Aliens: "We have the cure for cancer."
Humans: "Great! What is it?"
Aliens: "Just stop your cells from reproducing. That creates translation errors which can result in run-away mitosis and mutation."
Humans: "Uh... okay, but if we're not using cells, what should we use to form our bodies instead?"
Aliens: "Sandstone is good. Marble is better."
Humans: "Okay, we'll give it a shot."
3000 years of Egyptians and Greeks perfecting the sculpture later...
Humans: "Nope. Still got cancer."