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Please don’t do this.
It makes servers and cooks feel like customers are lying to them when someone tells them they have an allergy. So when some little kid with a life-threatening nut allergy comes in, they might not get taken seriously.
The other issue is that with an allergy (vs a food preference) many kitchens are required to use completely different pots and pans and utensils, gumming up the line, because even a speck of an allergen can cause serious harm.
I can’t stand cilantro either and I’m agreeing that it sucks when restaurants ignore you and should send the food back each time. Just please don’t make it harder for people with life-threatening allergies.
I'll do what works. Requesting they don't add it on the basis of preference results in a plate full of cilantro about half the times I attempt it. Sending it back generally gets it corrected on the next attempt, but not only does that force you into the awkward position of asking to send it back, it also leaves you at a table full of people eating their meals having a good time while you just sit there and wait. Around the time the rest of your party is done eating, your food arrives, and now everyone else of waiting for you.
Fuck it. Cilantro will kill me. Please prepare the food with the appropriate sense of urgency. Idgaf if it gums up the line - that's the result of them not having their shit together countless times previously. The alternative gums up my entire evening, and I've dealt with that enough times.
That's also on them if they don't take other allergies seriously. They're not my fucking doctor - if I tell them I have an allergy, then I have an allergy. Nearly anything can be an allergen, and their job is to accept that information at face value, not audit the diagnosis.
Then they shouldn't ignore customers to begin with