Brief summary of context. I socially transitioned before he was conceived. His birth mother left me before he was born. I spent 18 months fighting to even meet him. Eventually had things going smoothly with overnight time. Then the birth mother cut contact again. I've only just got to see him in a supervised context.
Near the end of the last session I referred to myself as mummy Eve, as I've done thousands of times in the past without issue. This time he yells that he hates it when I say that. He goes on to say I'm just pretending, I'm not a mummy I'm a he, and he knows I'm a he because I'm wearing a top.
I'm certain he's getting this from his birth mum. I'm devastated, it pushed me closer to giving up than I have been for a while. I don't know if there's anything I can do about it in the two hours a week I have with him. (At least for now)
It is very possible your child will grow up and be unfathomably remorseful (and possibly angry at his birth mom for the brainwashing and manipulation). There will be no way he can ever, in his own ledger, make up for this cruelty to you.
So treat him as that future person. Treat him with kindness, respectfulness, and quasi-infinite tolerance knowing full well this is just a temporary psychosis, jarring and shitty as it is.
If he doesn't later question it and regret it, then with all due respect he is not your child as he does not have your actual presence in his life any capacity--not even that of a clinic sperm donor. You'd be making it your problem, forever flailing at windmills.
Stay strong.
Actual tips and ideas/suggestions:
Do stuff with your son that's really laid back and fun and popular. Doing so shows him that you're cool and nonchalant and helps him to come away from the hijacked neurons and states of confusion and uncertainty. Be the cool unflappable parent that's in the know for what's cool and fun and awesome for kids. If you're having trouble even getting to that rapport point, idk what to say because it hinges on the specifics of your interactions or him/you of which I'm ignorant.
Treating others ideas (in this case, of a 6yo child) as “temporary psychosis” saying “not your child” if he doesn’t regret his stance now and he has “hijacked neurons” is a despicable mindset and the way of thinking that got us stuck in this hateful society. This sounds so entitled and egoistic.
Are you from a culture where your quoted parts are highly stigmatized or marginalized (e.g. most parts of the US)? Because I don't hold any against being in a state of psychosis nor six. I hope you didn't assume that I did, or that other cultures are the same as yours. Ethnocentrism is a kind of entitlement, I think. 🤷♂️
On children, I have difficulty believing that you think a person's children are "theirs" no matter what. That they have no say in it, even over the course of decades. I dunno that sounds a bit entitled to me. Also reductive but hey who isn't.
I consider people, all people, as having the potential to be equals and by default as equals. That means meeting them halfway, respecting their ultimate autonomy and decisions for themselves and positions on anything that relates to them. Does this contribute to unbridled hate once in a while? It seems like it. Not sure the alternative is better though. Nobody's ever really made that argument to me in earnest.
Yeah, I don't blame him. Children are sponges, especially at that age. All I can do is help him from this point.
I can hear much worse from basically anyone else and laugh it off. Hearing the effect of his mind being poisoned towards me was the struggle. I think I handled it well externally, only letting it out on the way home.
Apparent absolute powerlessness in the face of something like poisoning / brainwashing is one of the most aggravating things I can imagine. Probably an understatement.