You’re an adult and he is 6…his brain isn’t developed enough to understand this concept…don’t take it personally.
this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2026
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It is very possible your child will grow up and be unfathomably remorseful (and possibly angry at his birth mom for the brainwashing and manipulation). There will be no way he can ever, in his own ledger, make up for this cruelty to you.
So treat him as that future person. Treat him with kindness, respectfulness, and quasi-infinite tolerance knowing full well this is just a temporary psychosis, jarring and shitty as it is.
If he doesn't later question it and regret it, then with all due respect he is not your child as he does not have your actual presence in his life any capacity--not even that of a clinic sperm donor. You'd be making it your problem, forever flailing at windmills.
Stay strong.
Actual tips and ideas/suggestions:
Do stuff with your son that's really laid back and fun and popular. Doing so shows him that you're cool and nonchalant and helps him to come away from the hijacked neurons and states of confusion and uncertainty. Be the cool unflappable parent that's in the know for what's cool and fun and awesome for kids. If you're having trouble even getting to that rapport point, idk what to say because it hinges on the specifics of your interactions or him/you of which I'm ignorant.
Treating others ideas (in this case, of a 6yo child) as “temporary psychosis” saying “not your child” if he doesn’t regret his stance now and he has “hijacked neurons” is a despicable mindset and the way of thinking that got us stuck in this hateful society. This sounds so entitled and egoistic.
Are you from a culture where your quoted parts are highly stigmatized or marginalized (e.g. most parts of the US)? Because I don't hold any against being in a state of psychosis nor six. I hope you didn't assume that I did, or that other cultures are the same as yours. Ethnocentrism is a kind of entitlement, I think. 🤷♂️
On children, I have difficulty believing that you think a person's children are "theirs" no matter what. That they have no say in it, even over the course of decades. I dunno that sounds a bit entitled to me. Also reductive but hey who isn't.
I consider people, all people, as having the potential to be equals and by default as equals. That means meeting them halfway, respecting their ultimate autonomy and decisions for themselves and positions on anything that relates to them. Does this contribute to unbridled hate once in a while? It seems like it. Not sure the alternative is better though. Nobody's ever really made that argument to me in earnest.
Yeah, I don't blame him. Children are sponges, especially at that age. All I can do is help him from this point.
I can hear much worse from basically anyone else and laugh it off. Hearing the effect of his mind being poisoned towards me was the struggle. I think I handled it well externally, only letting it out on the way home.
Apparent absolute powerlessness in the face of something like poisoning / brainwashing is one of the most aggravating things I can imagine. Probably an understatement.
I'm sorry you're getting some dismissive comments. I'm a trans parent of a 4-year-old, so I understand how hard this must be.
I'm fortunate enough to still be married to my daughter's other parent, but I can tell you that if both parents aren't be aligned on how your child should refer to you, it's going to be very difficult and confusing for them.
Because of this situation, above all, give your son some grace. He is going through something very challenging and confusing at a pivotal stage of his development. Divorce is really hard on a kid, even the ones that go "smoothly" (my parents got divorced what I was ~12, so I know first-hand). It does seem likely that he's getting mixed messages from his parents, so be patent with him and just focus on being the best mom you can to him.
It's okay to gently correct him, but don't press the issue too much, or you'll risk making it worse by placing additional emotional burden on it. Something like, "I identify as a woman, and it hurts my feelings when people call me 'he'," is plenty.
You simply aren't in the position to compete with the amount of time his other mom has to sway his opinion, so don't try. Just be consistent, be gentle, and make the best of the time you get with him. Hopefully one day he will come around once he becomes more capable of forming his own opinions.
At the end of the day, your guiding light should be to do what's best for your child. Don't try to convince people you are right. Focus on trying to do the right thing.
Children are challenging even for an emotionally stable person, and it looks like you are a far cry from stable if this very fact upsets you and you have hard difficulties with the mother. Don’t let this ruin the time you can have with your son, it’s not the names he calls you what matters. In time he could understand, but as another commenter wrote, the concept is way too much for a child to understand. Taking your anger towards the mother just makes things worse, no child should suffer the quibbles of their carers.
I explained to my kids when at a similar age when they saw their first trans woman:
- some people are born man and love women, some are born women and love men. That is most people
- some other people are born men who love men or women who love women and that is fine. Many people hate this, but who is to tell you who you were born to love.
- some other people are born in the wrong body and that is also fine. These people may go to the doctor to help them get the right body. Many people also hate this, but there is really no issues with it as it is a personal choice.
- Whatever you are or love, things will get clearer when you grow up, but it may always be confusing and thinking about it is the best way to know who you are and love.
You can customize the last part and explain that you are like that, born a woman in the wrong body. That momy X knew they would have 2 mommies and yes, momy eve was born in the body of a man and we are lucky to have modern doctors that can help.
Yeah, a have a toddler level introduction to gender that he loved. It explained things at that level. It was never an issue until he was taken away for indoctrination. I didn't really think it was going to be an issue. That hurts as much as anything else.
This issue is probably very confusing for a six year old. It is not fair to expect him to process it easily especially when his birth mother is not on board with it. It seems like professional child psychology help might be useful but that again requires collaboration from the birth mom. So it seems like convincing her is the key.
I understand this sucks. A lot. And you are probably right that the birth mother is influencing your child. But you can’t let it get to you and you can’t let you anger towards it (and the birth mother) show.
Unfortunately, it seems your child is stuck between his two parents. He will most likely lash out, now and in the future. And it will hurt.
I don’t have a lot of advice, just some support to give. Don’t let it get to you. Your kid loves you and you love him. Acceptance (yours towards whatever he say and will say) is fundamental even in the face of anger and rejection. You are also right that with only two hours a week there is little to do. I wish you all the best.
Thanks.
There are a lot of reasons kids will say things to upset others. He's probably having as hard of a time as you are with the whole situation. Try calmly correcting him, without escalating. If he continues, you can say "we're finished talking about that, let's play xyz...". If the statement doesn't get attention (positive or negative), he'll probably move on. Good luck!