Transfem

HAII

Some initial reflections on now being fully out, and also on the changes from HRT (3 months)

I am a women

I heard one of my dnd friends, whom I had come out the session prior, utter "She" in reference to me. I had forgotten that I told them to use she/her. I was expecting a "he" from habit, but he said "She" and it filled me with such overwhelming joy I shed a tear.

Hearing my friends say "Minty" (not my real name) rather than "John" (not my real dead name) fills me with joy but also relief. Profoud relief. "At last" I think, "my dream has come true". That I am women, in my eyes and theirs. I hope in time in stranger's eyes as well, although I won't tie my sense of womenhood to random folk's approval.

I don't look like a women, but at least I am still seen as a women by my friends and by the people stuck in my computer here.

What also made me happy, is that mum had given me little nickname derived from my new name. That made so so happy. But it's a very complicated happiness. There's relief, but also so much grief inside of it. I feel so sad for my past self. I want to hug her so so bad and let her know she's a beautiful person and it will all be ok. I want to also tell her how tough she is.

HRT Changes

yeah so boobs are cool af. I like the way they look and honestly its so comfortable them just chillin there. They also of course help me feel more feminine.

Smooooth skin. my face is so smooth. Makes my face look a little more feminine to what it was before HRT.

The emotions, are a lot... but I hope it isn't temporary. I just love them so much.

I love crying. I love it so much. I love how easy it is to cry. It makes everything so much easier to deal with. I could be crying about the most traumatic thing in my life and I would almost feel happy. Happy because I can cry, I can cry about the pain I had felt. It's so relieving.

Now its not like I didn't cry at all on T, but it was much much harder and only ever happened if I felt everything was going to collapse. Crying has given so much colour to how I experience despair or stress, its hard to describe. I feel so grateful for it.

I cried a lot writing this and I feel so happy.

aaandd thats it

-Minty