Once every week and a half or so, my entire sense of self and social confidence and whatever else just collapses altogether and I end up like this: either upset and crying over how bad I am at talking or angry and fucking grouchy about how bad I am at talking.
Yes "talking" literally is just posting online. I'm not gonna go try to ambush people irl with my weird shit, where would I even go? That stupid new canadian communist party? Local book club? Big brain ideas. Posting online is literally the only social interaction I getoutside of my wife, and I have to otherwise I will recede completely and probably become a full-tilt neet ot whatever.
Most days of a given week, I post and talk to people either by genuinely being happy and talking to people cause it's nice, mischevious shitposting instinct or rarely (read: not on hexbear) using spite as my motivator to post weird(I also naturally post weird without spite frequently).
I have really completely done the fake-it-till-I-make-it shit, and I'm actually pretty good at counjuring/manifesting/summoning via blood sacrifice confidence and self-assuredness, the ability to not worry so much what people think. I guess probably due to my social battery dying routinely though, there are days like today where the air just gets let out and I feel like dogshit and sad and hate everything and everybody. It's unpleasant honestly. I want not to be like this, it would be cooler to be emotionally stable. Pls tell me to touch grass?
And they'll still be there when you're done touching grass.
What's outside though? Oh look, neurotypical social norms and a lack of any third space, waow. Also constant reminders that the working class of this nation is being crushed under the increasingly heavy bootheel of the bougie shitscum.
I guess I kind of lost the desire to talk to people after all my highschool friends turned out to be weird horrible fake neurotypicals. I go out for groceries and thrifting and whatever, but the world is not a cool place to be rn.
For me, it’s birding. Birding gets me outside touching grass, enjoying strange wildlife and a lot of other folk in the birding community don’t care if you’re queer, or are queer themselves.
Lil bird guys have been landing on my balcony and annoying my cat which I actually love. Wildlife is cool where it still exists.
Okay, all good points, but! Have you tried microplastics, yet? They make that shit in every flavor you can imagine now.
Mmmmmm broiled credit card...