Welcome to c/WouldYouRather, where we present you with the toughest, most ridiculous choices you never knew you had to make! Would you rather have a third arm that's only useful for picking your nose, or be able to talk to animals but only if they're wearing hats? Yeah, it's that kind of vibe. Come for the absurdity, stay because you've clearly got nothing better to do with your life.
Rules:
These are both non-scary options.
Gorillas seem like reasonable enough blokes in the zoo, just don't make eye contact. We'll go looting for snacks together.
Snakes only suck if they sneak up on you, or vice-verse. I'll grab a broom or something and sit on a bench in an open area.
Definitely going with the snakes. Snakes don't like to move across wide open, smooth ground, and there's a lot of that in the mall. Even if they choose to, they can't do it quickly and have to use their ribs like millipede feet. So, I can just hang out in the middle of a big open area and the mambas will probably just go hide in a shoebox at Footlocker.
I have zero actual chance against either if they decide I should die. Thus, all that matters to me is which is more likely to leave me well alone if I do the same.
Despite its reputation as a formidable and highly aggressive species, the black mamba attacks humans only if it is threatened or cornered.
Thanks, Wikipedia.
Unsolicited feedback since you're starting a new community: I think the more stupid questions are the most interesting ones.
Yeah keeping track of one large animal is easier than 5 too.
Always welcome feedback, yeah the purpose of this community is absolutely for shitpost levels of questions
I'm going to take the gorilla.
We're in a mall, so we have some space. I think if I just closed myself up in one of the stores, and didn't bother him, her probably just stay away and leave me alone.
But 5 snakes can end up anywhere at any time and I don't think they'll bother to worry if I'm actually a threat before they fill me with venom.
Yep. If it's your stereotypical American mall, just break open one of the food court stalls that has fruit, and get yourself to the opposite end of the mall. Let the gorilla have some food, and stay as far away as you can :)
Those are actually great points.
Guess I'll die by my bad decisions.
Or hide in one of those myself? Not like snakes open doors.
Gorillas seem pretty chill, and easier to hide from. I can fit into spaces the silverback couldn't.
Alternatively, if I can find some winter clothes and a walk-in fridge/freezer, I could be safe from any cold-blooded creature.
I think I might go with the gorilla though. Best case scenario, the gorilla and I bond over our shared experience in the mall and become friends :)
Gorillas can get really mad over overpriced coffee tho, so be careful