It’s not wrong. No one will go to Heaven.
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2023
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Depending which religion you worship your heaven might already be at max occupancy.
Oh, are there religions who believe their afterlife is already full and is now closed? That’s pretty grim.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe heaven has a capacity of 144,000 and everyone else will be resurrected in a body of flesh.
Calling dibs on a hot, sexy body of flesh.
Jehovah's Witness claim only 144,000 total can go to heaven. For a group that claims 8ish million members, that's a small percentage of even themselves that can make it.
Damn. Everyone else to hell?
Nah. One of the very few things to the JW's credit, they don't believe in Hell. The worthy will be resurrected on an earth-turned-paradise, where they live as subjects of the 144,000, while the rest simply cease to exist.
Only the dogs go to heaven.
Good news if you're short! Do whatever tf you want, your fate is sealed anyway.
If heaven is full of Christians I'm choosing hell
I half remember a Harlan Ellison story where God decided that only man can judge man and put the religious leaders in power to get to determine who goes to heaven. So all the Screaming Mullahs and Pat Robertson types are running things. Harlan Ellison was an angry person.
"Short people and people who eat too much pork will also not go to heaven." reminded me of this (SFW actually) Oglaf.
And I am the bad guy for yelling at someone for telling my daughters about hell. Yes, me the father. I am a bad person for telling someone to stop lying to my kids about a fake place of pain.
So says the church of Google.
🙏
"You must be this tall to enter heaven." Written on a wood cutout of St Peter holding his hand out just so high.
So, like, if I qualify for all, do I get a bonus extra fun hell?
The full list.
If you're going anyway you don't want to miss out on any of the fun.
You go to the special hell. The one reserved for child molestors and people who talk at the theatre.
Oh well, at least I get to hang with the cool crowd.
Funny how we can’t go to heaven for all these “sins” and yet the Bible stars that Jesus died for all out sins before they happen.
Once again the Bible is proven as a joke. I hate how they believe the fairy tales in the book, but they won’t believe what is right in front of there eyes. Friggin bigots.
I pity them. The ones that actually believe that is.
If they could park their faith for just one minute and think clearly, they'd realise what's up.
Their leaders that actually take their Lord's name in vain? Predators. Grifters. Charlatans.
Don’t forget the pedophiles that work in the Catholic Church as priest they take a vow of celibacy so they think they can groom and rape the little boys.
And yet they think their going to heaven as they preach. Sick perverts. Like they said on that one episode of the Simpsons. God pointed out to homer that the clergy members aren’t allowed in heaven.
Jesus wept.
I'd actually forgotten about that for a blissful minute while writing that.
i got a scar tattooed over in 2021 and have several more scars i'd like to do the same with, i'm currently sitting here drinking and being under 6', and also i don't believe in heaven so i'm super fucked. who's with me
Tall untattooed vegetarian teetotalers won't go to heaven either.
Did the universe get a firmware update, so that heaven lives up to modern standards?
At this point, it sounds like heaven will only be full of boring prudes. Hell is where the party is at.
Death metal and rains of blood I can get behind. Checkers and prayer, not so much.
Where’s the short cut-off?
How much is too much?
Not sure what's more stupid
Googling this
Or
Believing it
The list of people that can reach Heaven is very short, probably on purpose.
I've been seeing a lot of google search results snaps lately. Most if not all must be jokes, right? This one at least.. Inb4 I'm not using google to check for myself...
It's an ancient screenshot, so you wouldn't be able to verify it anyway
Randy Newman is fucked
God: "we don't need any manlets in heaven! Get your short ass out of here!"
Ohh shit. They got me with drinking. I should have started using drugs when I had the chance.
Lmao
Oh no, I'm a short dude who loves bacon, beer, and has a single tattoo...
Anyway,
How short are we talking here? And when? Short is shorter now than it was 200 years ago. And what about even shorter people? Is only the shortest person going to hell? Do babies count? They're pretty short. If life begins at conception, then are zygotes blacklisted? What if you're tall but short on cash? What if you're tall in the streets but short in the sheets?
They really need to clarify their rules and definitions.
Looks like I'm in!