this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 115 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Putting beans in the green texts now smh

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 6 months ago

beantexting in 2019

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 12 points 6 months ago

Beans and greens

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[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 37 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Why didn’t this woman just take the can of beans instead of the bread?

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 31 points 6 months ago (1 children)

In my experience society regrettably values bread over beans. I can't talk about it or else I'm gonna start crying.

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 11 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Beans are sad emergency food.

If I'm in a situation where beans are necessary, I'm awfully desperate and out of options.

[–] greedytacothief@lemmy.world 14 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Emergency situation: you're in the UK, it's breakfast and you need something to put on your toast.

[–] Opisek@lemmy.world 24 points 6 months ago

You're in the UK

The worst kind of emergency.

[–] ebolapie@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

There's no such thing as a "UK." Oh sure, there's this island full of TERFs next to Europe that does things like eat "beans on toast" and where if you say the word "tiddlywinks" in a court of law you're taken seriously instead of laughed out of the place. Get real, Britain was made up by Scholastic to sell books to third graders.

[–] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I am hurt and am formally rescinding my open invitation to join me for burrito or chilli night for you

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[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 12 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Because then she would have no toast for them.

[–] m4xie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 6 months ago

Britain doesn't get hurricanes

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 4 points 6 months ago

very good question

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 35 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Anon is in a riot.
Anon is in a reoccurring movie bit.
Anon attempts manslaughter with dad.
Anons dad comes back from the store.
Anon eats all the hurricane food before the hurricane.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 32 points 6 months ago (4 children)
[–] uranibaba@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)
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[–] onionsinmypores@sh.itjust.works 30 points 6 months ago

Fake: Anon doesn't have a dad
Gay : Anon didn't hit~on~ a woman

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 25 points 6 months ago

Moment le Florida Man

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 21 points 6 months ago (12 children)

Everyone always laughs at hitting someone in the head with a punch/can of beans/baseball bat/2x4/karate chop/whatever and knock them out. The joke being that the person will wake in ten minutes or an hour like in the movies and they'll go about living again.

In real life if you knock someone out cold with some kind of hit to their head ... you've more than likely killed them or put them in a place where they will die within the next hour or two.

[–] yokonzo@lemmy.world 128 points 6 months ago (26 children)

That is... Incorrect, there is about a 30% death rate within one year of brain trauma but there is absolutely no data showing that someone is going to die within an hour of being knocked unconscious more often than not, especially if they are young

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 57 points 6 months ago

Being knocked out is certainly not good, but it's not automatic death like you're suggesting.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 28 points 6 months ago

~~Skill~~ Skull issue

[–] inv3r510n@lemmy.world 27 points 6 months ago (1 children)

False LMFAO.

Source: semi pro snowboarder who’s been knocked out many times

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

You're actually dead and died in that second knock out .... this is purgatory and you'll be commenting like this for a few thousand years.

I'm no scientist, doctor or medical professional ... I just know that its dangerous to try to knock someone's noggin really hard to try to make them pass out. Dangerous to the point that there is a good chance that it can kill someone.

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[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 22 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

And even if you haven't killed them outright, they can have permanent disabilities.

If you, or someone you know, gets knocked out, or experiences other symptoms of a central nervous system trauma after a hit to the head, please seek medical care immediately. It's not one those "take two aspirin and let's see how it goes in the morning" kinda things.

I'm just one person, but during my life I've seen this multiple times. I will refrain from boring you, and doxxing myself, by telling my anecdotes. Suffice it to say that I have known people who would have been dead if they hadn't gone to work with a "bad hangover", or ended up with narcolepsy or chronic encephalopathy. And that was separate people BTW.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 12 points 6 months ago

You're going too far in the opposite direction

[–] arin@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] massive_bereavement@fedia.io 6 points 6 months ago (2 children)

She just stole a loaf of bread. Her sister's child was close to death, she was starving.

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[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 6 months ago

Relax, it's just another made up story.

[–] zurohki@aussie.zone 5 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

To market, to market went my Uncle Jim
When somebody threw a tomato at him.
Tomatoes are soft and they won't bruise the skin,
But this one killed Jim, it was wrapped in a tin.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 18 points 6 months ago

Woulda had beans on toast, but they lost the can of beans.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 12 points 6 months ago

I don't care if it's fake, it's funny in a cartoon violence kinda way.

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 8 points 6 months ago

This is why beans on toast is a thing.

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 8 points 6 months ago

Crocodile dundee moment

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