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Mitch McConnell Settling Into Retirement by Destroying All the Houses Jimmy Carter Built (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 3 months ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] Infynis@midwest.social 57 points 3 months ago (1 children)

At press time, McConnell planned to expound on his malevolent personal endeavors in the forthcoming memoir, “Human Impediment: Tales of a Worthless Life, Soon Forgotten.”

Absolutely savage. Hopefully it's also topical

[–] TimLovesTech@badatbeing.social 10 points 3 months ago

Sounds like what his epitaph should read, and have it used as a public urinal.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

In 2045 at the age of 103, Mitch McConnell somehow returns

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 months ago

As president

[–] RustyShackleford@literature.cafe 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My friend, Hank Hill will be flipping out. He built a home for Niefko and Alla Lubecki, with a highly virile friend of his, Dale Dribble.

[–] ksigley@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

Goddamn, that one got me.

Great work, @theonion.