THIS KILLS THE CRAB
this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2025
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Yet feeds its killer, allowing it to survive for another day. Aren't zero-sum games fun?
They certainly are tasty
True, until we become the tasted.
Still tasty
If we cannibal ourselves into a stew, are we just drinking bath water?
If they can make you have an emotional connection to a cube...
This was a triumph
I am making a note here, huge success
That's how the cube gets you. Don't let it break you we can escape.
Idk why people attached to that cube.
You monster
I couldn't trust anyone that doesn't get sad about the cube.
It is weighted, and it is my companion.
I tried for multiple minutes to see if I could find a way around incinerating it.
I recently watched a 3d video in a small theater about dinosaurs, and in the video we follow a T-Rex mother from her first eggs to death, including a fight with another dinosaur that ends up crippling a leg, and then the last few shots of her are limping toward carrion to survive a little longer, and then dead in a creek bed and I legitimately almost walked out of the little theater we were in.
I may have smoked a little before going in, so I may have been a little more emotional than usual. But still.
Rules of Nature (docs)
RIP Leon.
No... The store bought lobster???
Edit: I was not prepared for this today... He brought us so much joy in the time of need and lockdown.
Unfortunately. My apologies for bringing the news upon you. Good what is worth, his other housemates thrive, both in and out of the tank.
I read this in Vernor herzogs voice.
And that's just a pencil we've known for a second! Imagine following a seal pup for weeks before watching it die.
Imagine following the pencil for a whole school year, watching it get smaller and smaller as the arrow of time keeps marching forward evermore
David Attenborough: This Ticonderoga #2 pencil has seen better days. Watch as the student draws it from its pencil case for the current task at hand: a two-hour written exam.
No, not Petey the Pencil :( he won't make a whole two hour exam!! Nooooo!!!
The Final Scribble: The Life and Death of Petey the Pencil
[Scene opens on a stark, fluorescent-lit examination hall. Rows of anxious students bend over their desks, scribbling with quiet intensity. The sound of pencil lead scratching against paper fills the air.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): In the unforgiving environment of the university testing chamber, a silent struggle unfolds. Here, tools of intellect are pushed to their limits—not just the minds of students, but their humble, graphite-bearing companions.
[Camera pans to a close-up of a yellow No. 2 pencil. His paint is chipped, his eraser nearly gone. We meet our subject.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): This is Petey. Graphitus scribblum, affectionately named “Petey” by his human, an undergraduate in Anthropology 201.
[Cut to Petey being lifted shakily by a caffeine-twitching hand.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): For many semesters, Petey has lived a noble life: lecture notes, marginal doodles, perhaps the occasional crossword. But today… today he faces his final trial.
[The student begins writing furiously. Petey dances across the page in a flurry of facts, formulas, and half-remembered concepts about Neanderthal toolkits.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Watch as he glides with precision—his graphite core converting thought into text at astonishing speeds. But each word comes at a cost.
[The camera slowly zooms in: Petey is visibly shorter now. The student presses harder as stress mounts.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Each line drains him. Once a full-grown pencil, proud and unsharpened, Petey is now a shadow of his former self—barely three inches in length. And yet, he persists.
[Petey is lifted again. This time, his wood groans faintly. He scribbles half of a sentence. Then… a snap.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Ah. Tragedy. A critical fracture at the midpoint. His brittle frame can bear no more. The graphite, worn thin, gives way under pressure.
[The student stares at the broken pencil in disbelief. A panicked shuffle for a backup ensues.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): And just like that, Petey’s journey comes to an end. Not with fanfare, nor a ceremonious farewell—but with a quiet crack, unheard by all but one.
[Cut to Petey resting beside a used coffee cup and a heavily dog-eared exam booklet. His tip dulled, his spirit spent.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Yet, in his final moments, he gave all he had in service of knowledge. Few tools live with such dignity. Fewer still die in the act of creation.
I don't want to.
Don't watch nature documentaries, then.
David Attenborough: "This is Snowball, a 4-week-old arctic hare"
[I pause the documentary]
Partner: "Babe, why'd you do that?"
Me: "Just getting some tissues."
Partner: "Why? Look at the cute bunny!"
[Unpause]
David Attenborough: "This is Throat-shredder. She is the leader of her pack of starving arctic wolves."
Partner: "Oh, no."
Me: "Tissue?"
[Grisly killing noises from the TV]
My Octopus Teacher
Melodrama/Documentary
Damn, that octopus doc where he was like, "this bitch going to die any day now." Why you make me love her?
Don't watch this, but imma put it here as supporting evidence:
Thank for supporting the evidence, i'm gonna take a therapy now 😭
I'd recommend at least two therapies. The flashbacks are no joke.
I will watch Flow movie tomorrow. It is made with blender and there is a cat.
Anyway, the video is a brutal truth about climate change.
I'd recommend watching Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, the Swiss Family Robinson anime, or the Arthur cartoon.
Thank for the suggestion, i'm saveing your comment :)
I am honored.
Oh no! I read the comments and that was enough:(
I would not be surprised if people have gone to therapy for less.
Rip snipperino
You now want to be this crab. You envy this crab.