It took me a few years to convince my partner that sleeping separately would be a good idea. He snores and I am a very light sleeper. It has improved our relationship to sleep apart. Since I talk to my friends about it, I know that many of them also sleep apart and credit it for being able to stay happily married instead of being sleep deprived and always mad at their partner. On vacation, we often go back to sharing a bed.
this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2025
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I agree. My wife and I fought against separate beds for a long time, but some things went down that required us to have alternate sleep schedules so that forced us to do it.
That was 12 years ago and we have had separate bedrooms ever since.
We have since learned that pretty much all of our friends who have been married for significant number of years sleep in separate beds. Sleeping is such an important part of living and a huge impact on QoL. So once you accept that quality sleep is a basic need and not a referendum on the state of the marriage it just solves a set of problems.
Using a Device of Mandibular Advancement I have been able to stop snoring completely and I don’t need CPAP anymore.
It is done by dentists.
I think that we as couple, we feel somewhat the same. Split bedrooms never hurt us. Try’na pretend that we don’t do weird stuff in our sleep is absolutely crazy talk. The bizarre behavior we do in our sleep is downright weird & funny. There should absolutely be no shame in sleeping separately for a solid nights rest. Any halfway intelligent couple is aware of this. Or at least will soon be turned on to this insane idea. .
I struggle to sleep without my husband. I need my feet to touch his, at least. We share a queen bed, even use the same blanket (it is a King blanket though). Im really surprised so many folks don't sleep in the same bed at their partner here. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just surprised.
Maybe things will change when we are older, but I couldn't imagine.
I am kind of incredulous that anyone actually sleeps better with a whole separate person in the bed. It gets too hot and you both wake up whenever the other one uses the bathroom, or if you don't go to bed at the same time, or if you don't get up at the same time. Just from those basic mechanics it seems to defy logic that actual sleep quality, beyond some intangible aesthetic, wouldn't be negatively impacted.
I have terrible insomnia, I have misophonia, and I am a light sleeper. My partner talks in his sleep, he's a furnace, and a loud breather, but I'll tell you, nothing conks me out like turning over and being the big spoon on that guy. When he's out of town it's harder (or at least less comfortable) to fall asleep. Sometimes when I really really can't sleep for hours, I'll reach over and just hold his limp sleeping hand and it helps.
He can fall asleep anywhere and sleep through anything though. If we were both poor sleepers, idk what we'd do.
Usually we both have to pee around 2am, so the wake up is not a bother. We also are used to each other’s alarms, so aren’t woken by the other.
We do the same, she’ll have a foot touching my ankle and I’ll have a hand touching her hip. Sometimes her toenails are stabby and I roll away but she seeks me out in her sleep lol.
Occasionally I’ll sleep on the couch if I have a sinus headache as it is more upright to promote drainage, but vast majority of time we sleep together.
I wish I could sleep in the same bed as my partner (forever, not just the rare nights when we try). It's lovely to have the physical touch as I fall asleep. Unfortunately I toss, turn, and sometimes wake up in cold sweats from nightmares, so it's better for both of us to have the separate beds.
My husband used to have night terrors before he got sober. That shit was scary! He would sleep talk, and not sound human. I'll never forget I woke up early one day while he stayed asleep and I heard him yelling "help" over and over. I was so scared, I ran to him, and woke him.
Thank goodness it stopped when he got sober. I feel for anyone who gets night terrors, it's no fun
My ideal living situation with a partner would be:
Two entirely separate living areas with individual bedrooms, plus a third area for both of us that also has a bed.
So in other words, I'll probably be single forever.
I mean, that's how it's like with my third partner, so I think you'll be okay.
(Note: we are poly, not cheating with HR)
I sleep much better accompanied. I'm single at the moment and it's been dreary.
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Works great if you have extra rooms around your house for each person. Must be freaking nice.
I sleep better snuggled up against someone.
I uses to suffer from night terrors regularly that mostly went away when I started sleeping with SO. Thay being said we do sleep better in a long size bed then in the standard twin we have at home. So maybe the issue is space.
I sleep better with my wife in the bed :3
I sleep better with your wife in my bed too!
I also need to sleep alone. Everyone is different. My wife stirs so much that it's better to sleep in separate beds and have ehmmm surprise night visits.
I sleep so much better with my wife. Unless I snore, then I get kicked awake all night
I also sleep so much better with your wife
you're the one kicking him, aren't you?
Oh shit, Jen? /s
Everyone's gonna have different needs, but I've benefited a lot from having the option to sleep separately. Having a second bed set up means it can happen whenever we need, or accommodate if more people need to stay over.
Sometimes I'll need to stretch out in a weird way or I'll get muscle spasms that would keep us both up, so it's a no brainer to sleep separately. Sometimes mentally I need the space too, but otherwise I really do like falling asleep with someone. So it's like a 50/50 if it will work for me on any given night. My nesting partner tends to fall asleep a lot faster so usually I'll cuddle her to sleep and then get back up, bumble around a little bit then go sleep in my bed. It works out great for the both of us!
i sleep a thousand times better with my arm around someone
Mmmmm. I'll soundly sleep in a bathtub if it's with a woman I love. Don't love you? Too hot and uncomfortable. And, sleeping alone, I go back to my roots. Way back. If I feel like I'm hiding in a hole and the dinosaurs about to get fucked, I sleep so good.
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