this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2025
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The Onion

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[–] Lumidaub@feddit.org 26 points 1 day ago (2 children)

None of these contain caffeine. NONE. Why do you mock me so?

[–] hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Most caffeine plants require tropical climates. A good alternative would be yaupon tea, which is made from a holly plant native to the southern united states. It was cultivated by the native americans in precolonial times.

It is going to be the way to get your caffeine fix once international sections mean the united states can no longer import coffee and tea.

[–] Lumidaub@feddit.org 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Joke's on you, I'm not from the US. And that is going to make ALL the difference in the coming trade wars.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 day ago

There are plenty of wild plant alternatives in my area in northern Ontario. Some even contain stimulants that are like caffeine. Unfortunately, if you make them too strong and concentrated, they can become poisonous.

[–] zabadoh@ani.social 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I have no idea what the Apocalypse will be exactly, but I know that I will be grumpy.

[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

It better not end until after my second double espresso or there will be hell to pay.