Ask Lemmy

Never really have. Around 8 or 9, I stopped wanting to get any older and since then I've always felt like I was pretending to be my age rather than being it.

I understand that a lot of other adults are also pretending, but I've all but ceased to be able to keep up the charade.

For example, I own a house, and even managed to look after things for a while, but that was a struggle and there's no way current me is up to any of that.

I envy others' strength and ability.

I'm 42, and I feel like I'm cosplaying and LARPing as an adult. I'm able to convince everyone but myself.

Mortage, kids, and a pretty nice career is my equivalent of a fursuit - something to hide behind in an effort to find acceptance from likeminded.

You're fine, some days I barely feel human let alone adult. I imagine the overwhelming majority are faking it till they make it. It's one of those clichés that's cliché for a reason.

My little daughter thinks I'm an adult and calls me daddy

I only really feel like an adult when I spend time with kids and young people. Even though the students I teach are at university, and thus technically adults... I'm always struck by how often they seem 'immature'.

And to be clear, I don't even really mean that as a criticism. Sure, at times they don't pay attention and forget to do things and seem akward/nervous. But "adults' do all those things too. The difference is the adults have generally accepted these flaws and come up with coping strategies (both good and bad) like avoiding those situations, or blaming other people.

So, what makes me feel like an adult is not that I'm on top of things, or that I'm no longer a mess. It's that I know I'm a mess, and I no longer hope that one day I'll get everything sorted, and tbh, that's fine.

"Being an adult" means doing all the things your parents did when you were young with the confidence and determination you assumed they had at the time.

Also doesn't help that much of modern management culture is suffocatingly paternalistic. Bosses want you to continue getting an education, they want you to dress a certain way, they're out assigning you work after hours, they're harping on you for showing up late or leaving early without regard to traffic conditions or life events. There's HR policy around shaming you for being overweight or diabetic or pregnant that's pitched as "how you can save some money!" but mostly revolves around saving the company paid sick leave and benefits. You're told to save in a 401k, but forbidden from managing your money independent of a brokerage. You're told to live independent of parents or roommates, but without the income to afford a home or an apartment convenient to your workplace. You're constantly subjected to reviews and milestones that only ever seem to monopolize your time and never result in career advancement.

You get the same attitude from businesses you interact with - everyone from salesmen to bill collectors to DMV officials have a way of talking down to you and using shame or disappointment to manipulate your behaviors. TV is increasingly just a series of jangling keys. Social Media is just 40 year olds who act like they're still in High School. PTA meetings feel like the blind leading the blind, as you meet with people who are just as infantilized as you've been, trying to convey why this month's deluge of standardized tests is more important than the last in a way you'll believe more than they do.

And that's before you get to the fucking Police. An entire multi-billion dollar bureaucracy dedicated to being America's abusive stepfather.

It sucks out there, man.

In my experience the only defining trait of being an adult is that you suddenly start to like getting socks as a present.

Being adult is highly overrated. Look at all the "serious" people ruining the world with their greed and selfishness. Never let the inner child die. Children inherently understand morals that adults corrupt with religion and over-thinking.

I don't know about feeling like an adult, but I don't feel like a kid, that's for sure.

No one ever truely grows up, some people are just better at hiding it.

Last night I ate two bowls of knock-off cinnamon crunch at 23 o’clock, simply because I hadn’t had cereal in a while. My parents would have sure been like “why? Just wait for breakfast.”

I’m 40.

As someone pushing 40, this thread is full of people who sound like fun.

I feel like an adult, but I feel like very few others actually are

Feel still like a kid.

Sometimes feel like a 10 year old in the body of an adult

I'm about to hit 49. We're just older kids, that's all.

idk, i do a lot of joking around, but i pay all my bills on time

OP: What do you consider 'adult'? I am trying to be a responsible parent to two children, and I pay the bills on time. I have a decent paying job while still being able to care for the children. As the father I do most of the cooking and cleaning and in the weekends I perform the upkeep of our home. But the best moment I had with my kids were doing 'immature' things together, like playing with Lego or loudly singing along with 80s goth music, or occasionally both at the same time. I also play board games and computer games (instead of passively sitting in front of the television, I might add).

On the other hand, I saw parents at the playground who were working on spreadsheets and totally ignoring their children. If that is being an 'adult', I do not want to be one.

46. I have adult aches and adult bills and sometimes adult hopes I won’t wake up in the morning… but I’ll still laugh at fart jokes.

Well in some ways yes, and in some ways no. I never seem to get jaded, silly things still make me laugh. I still can read and shut out the world like when I was a kid.

But I am so competent in some ways? Can cook and hold a job, raised kids, gardens finally grow for me. All those seem adult qualities. And I have made so many mistakes and have been hurt so much, do feel the weight of experience. And while nothing hurts, and I can still cartwheel and do yoga, I have no bounce - can't run well, can't jump.

I know when I first hit my 30’s it dawned on me in a panicked rush that people expect me to be a mature knowledgeable adult. I have accepted that truth but also know that I am still just as “adult” as I’ve ever been

There are two types of adults; old teenagers and grown-ups. I'm definitely an old teenager.

all it says is you are insecure.

i have felt like an adult since my teens. probably because I'm responsible for myself and i don't blame other people for by problems and i understood that the only person in my life who will ever help me accomplish anything is myself.