If planning on being a serial killer, run a barber shop or something where literally thousands of people leave their DNA on-site, and your DNA is on literally thousands of other people.
this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2025
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Shitty Life Pro Tip
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This one right here, officer!
You can even work with your local meat pie shop to assist with the body disposal! The perfect accomplice!
Ok google a crime every day AND get a job where you get covered in DNA. Barber yes but also Sewer Cleaner, Pornstar, Body Mopper....
Apparently there was a case where one woman's DNA kept turning up at multiple crime scenes. Turned out she was a worker at a cotton swab factory.
Become a blood splatter specialist for your local police department. Only target the most evil and guilty of people for your “killing spree”. If they start catching on, fake your death and move north.
Eh just become a regular cop. Then all you have to do is either take a paid vacation or move a county over when you're caught. Then the city will handle body disposal, you don't need a boat or ocean access.
This might backfire if you get caught committing a crime, as they might peg you with conspiracy to commit hundreds of others. So don't get caught, I guess.
I think you're looking for Good Life Pro Tips.
My what a big conspiracy officer are you going to peg me with it?
Use DuckDuckGo and/or a VPN if you're going to commit crimes
Or use tor, the best way.
They will just cite the time you searched for how to commit that particular crime.
"Your honor my client is interested in all kinds of crimes, this has no bearing on this case"
An actual good cover would be writing crime fiction. Then you're not just researching how to do crime for no apparent reason, you're taking an interest in crime for constructive purposes.
That's why I always suffix my Google searches with my neighbor's name. He always signs his texts.