You get paid $5000 per day for the rest of your life (matching inflation), but the American Kitchen Nightmares editors get to omnisciently and in real time control the sound effects in your life. Only you hear them, but you can never tune them out. Do you accept?
this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2026
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I guess I'll just cry through the sound effects with the $1.8 million dollars a year I'll have.
waterphone intensifies as you dab your tears with $100 bills
Only about $1.2 million after taxes though.
Can I invoice them from my LLC instead of taking out a salary?
That's gonna be weird during sex
You'll just have to turn up the volume on Cbat.
violin sting
Do it like me and just dont find a partner. Problem solved.
You pull it out, ready to go. She pulls out hers, and its bigger. kitchen nightmares sus sound effect plays
waterphone noise
How about I reach out to the editors and offer them 80% of that money to not play any sound effects? Though the interpretation of the editors in question being humans implies they will still know everything about my life in realtime, and I'm not sure I'd take that kind of sacrifice
I don't watch the show. What kind of sounds/music are we dealing with here?
Here's an exaggerated tasting platter for you. I'll add that it's not that exaggerated (except for the boom at 1:36; I never heard that in the show).
I wasn’t sure what the deal was until I saw this and was inclined to say no but now I’m sold, I don’t even want the money.
Not the gonna lie, if the ominous music starts BEFORE I make a mistake or do something dumb in my everyday life, it would actually be helpful lol. The boom would work after dropping an epic response to win an argument, although I'll be the only one to hear it. The pump-up music would also be great when I need an adrenaline push.
Damn, even if it plays while the shit hits the fan it would be pretty helpful - i'm not the best at reading social cues.
"My Ramsay senses are tingling."
Internal monologue switches to "I'm an Idiot Sandwich."
Absolutely.
If I can block the sounds by wearing headphones I would take it in a heartbeat but even if I cant block them, well, I would still do it because I have tinnitus 🤷
It's a purely psychological thing inside your brain; it will cut through the tinnitus. You can't loophole your way around it; you have to hear the sounds at the same noticeable volume a person with normal hearing would.
I guess, I ll suffer with the money and wipe my tears with it. 🥲
Yes I want a home in California big enough for a family. I don’t see any other way of accomplishing that.
"So you know it's wrong but you do it anyways?" - Gordon
"Hehheh, life." - Some random kitchen worker
Happened to my girlfriend. She was back to working in a doughnut shop after it was closed for cleaning a few days, when a reporter burst in the back with a camera crew. She said the shop had the lowest health score in Colorado Springs and how she felt being open again. All she could think was 'I just fucking work here.'
Why was there a camera crew there? Were the donuts exceptionally amazingly newsworthy in spite of the dismal health rating?
Because having a shitty health rating is something people want and deserve to know about.
The first time I robotripped using delsym instead of Robitussin I didn't think about how delsym lasts way longer. I woke up the next day still tripping and went into my retail job, hoping to hide out in a quiet corner until it passed.
Of course that was the day the regional manager was visiting the store and I had to give them a tour of my department for some reason.
In the Netherlands, they take celebrating carnaval very seriously. Nobody walks straight the Monday after carnaval. Still, they forced a guy to come in on that Monday. The guy was there, at 8 am. There went to work straight from the bar, undefined stains on his clothes, smelling of beer and cigarettes, shedding small amounts of confetti when he went for coffee, but he was there. Nothing much productive was done that day. How management thought it would turn out any differently is anyone's guess.
Did you give a good tour tho
I didn't get fired, so I guess so!
Proud of u
Maybe regional manager was stoned too.
Definitely a possibility. I did catch several store managers smoking weed in the parking lot (as I smoked weed in the parking lot)
Time to go clean the deep fridge
Need an extra hand?
Nah, there's one in there already. Thanks, though!
Edit: on -> in
I remember in high school one day, about noon, I shared a fat spliff with friends. I completely forgot I had to meet with the principal professor and my parents at 13 to discuss my behaviour. They were not convinced
His brother did worse things than pot, he'd be fine with it.
Dude's worked in the restaurant industry all his life, he probably wouldn't hire a sober dishwasher.
He can't fire his brother though