Trans

Eugh. Having to stop shaving for a few days prior to electrolysis. At this point I look like a girl wearing an extremely crappy fake moustache. Most of the rest of my face is clear now, but the upper lip is just endless. 😔

Work is so time consuming. I wanna do cool stuff.

And apparently I am now dating a polycule. Never saw that coming.

Since I came out to myself (and a few others), it's been a mixed bag, leaning towards better than not.

I ugly cried twice, maybe for the first times in my life, first while rewatching GitS SAC, ep2. That might have been the most obvious trans allegory that totally flew by me when I first watched it in childhood. Then I cried just as hard when I started playing Celeste yesterday, when right at the beginning, the dialog from level 1 said something like "just breathe, you got this" (also I suck at platformers).

I was able to talk to one cis-female friend over online DMs about it. I had met her irl once, and she's super nice and supportive. I'm looking forward to bonding with her more over girly things :3

Weight loss has somehow become effortless for me. I had been struggling with my mental health for about a year, thinking it was just ADHD, and coping with food sometimes. But now it's all super lucid and I don't feel the urge to just eat when I'm bored.

Voice training sucks. Picking a new name is hard.

Occasionally I have doubts since my guy brain is still dominant. I wrote down all the really obvious reasons to myself as notes, and that helps a bit. It's just one of those things where intellectually I know I must be trans, but emotionally I'm not really there yet.

I have my first appointment at a local clinic at the end of this upcoming week, and I'm really excited.

Well I had a good couple of months being able to speak normally but I managed to catch another throat infection and will be almost entirely mute for the next couple of months, probably.

The week was long but wait the week-end awesome!

I've never thought I could live these feeling again. I think I'm in love again even of I know I can't be close to that person I've seen IRL for the first time.. And it made me realised something... How long has it been since I felt this way. Years actually. I'm in the middle a of divorce because my love faded for reasons I'm not gonna extend but I know now why... How did it happen so fast.

And somehow it:'s not even a rebound. I've been talking to her before but never thought it would lead to anything over than beingfriends

I've been doing pen and paper again. And could talk for hours to another friend which is awesome.

uh a little stressful. was going to continue cleaning and fixing car but an approximately 1.5 ton pile of rocks magically appeared in our driveway on thursday. our family has yet to explain us why...

we'll be visiting beach in a couple hours though, it will be the first time we've gone swimming in uhh... wow over six years at this point? anyways the dysphoria shall prevail no longer!!

also in the near future planning to go to the coast via bicycle. not the worst idea we've ever had though :3

finally we're gonna be trying to get into some private pilot training. lots and lots of planning and stuff but wish us luck!!!! (apparently still cheaper than college tuition by several times lol)

edit:

wait this is how the past week has gone. to answer that uh, family health problems. will not delve into the specifics but at least one night we had to bike over an hour home while very sleepy, the bus does not run that late sadly. lots and lots of taking care of others in general, both family and friends who are themselves not doing so well.

we suck at writing this week hehe sorry!!!

edit 2:

turns out the rocks are for landscaping. wish we were told a little sooner but oh well :)