No Stupid Questions

although I never loved anyone this much since.

Attraction /= love. You did not love her.

Yet all this time I had a desire to tell her about them.

You have a desire to have your attraction to her validated. You are essentially cat calling her but in ultra slow motion.

I would really want to cite some scientific study that "Over 80% of girls have their self-confidence lifted after being told they were secretly admired (p<0.05)", but can't find one.

Ya cuz in real life it would be "over 99% of women have experienced mental anguish from being told they were secretly admired."

Don't insert yourself into her life, or any woman's life for that matter, just so you can wag your attraction to her in her face. It's categorically in the same bucket as unsolicited dick picks. You're doing it for yourself, not her.

I think there are a lot of things at play here. Ultimately I don't think you should, though.

The fact that you still want to tell them is suspicious. I think you're not being honest with yourself. Your ulterior end game is a hope of some type of reciprocation. You haven't moved on.

Just because (assuming it's even true) a statistical model of a gender says "they probably would like it" is irrelevant. Would this individual like to hear it? It sounds like you don't know. If you don't know them well enough to anticipate how they would react, then I think it's pretty safe to say they don't know you well enough to receive the message "I used to love you" in a way that could ever come out as a net benefit to them.

I empathize immensely regarding your position. But as a 3rd party observer, don't do it.

No it is weird and creepy.

The person you think you loved doesn’t even exist anymore and it is highly likely they never did.

You had a childhood crush. Leave it to the sweet memory of the past.

You don't love her. You barely know her. It's been years, you have no idea what she thinks, what she's done, what she would do, etc.

What you love is some ideas you have about her.

You never dated her. You never saw what she was like outside of class, at home, at work, with her friends. You don't know if she's honest, or cruel. You don't know what her political beliefs are, or her religion. Would she kick a puppy? Is she an addict? Is she selfish or generous? Is she clean or slovenly? Does she have a partner? Does she have kids? Is she even hetero?

This is all aside from the fact that you're imagining a connection that you know isn't there. Telling her has nothing to do with her and everything to do with your own ego.

This way of thinking with the fantasy of loving someone you don't really know and the idea that your feelings years later are important enough to barge into her life with a confession of love without even finding out who she actually is and what her circumstances are... This is a red flag that even in the incredibly unlikely event that she's single and into you, you are not going to be good for her.

Don't do it.

As a general rule, this is a terrible idea. If there are exceptions, it's clear from your comments that thus is not one of them.

This entire desire is to boost your ego - to validate that your unrequited 'love' (crush) made her life better, because you're such a great guy.

Lwt it go, and grow up a bit more.

The only time I have told someone about feelings I had long ago is when we started hanging out again and they were open to reciprocate. Not an out of the blue cold call.

Honestly, if this is something you really want to do, I don't think it's a bad idea, but you do need to be careful.

Don't make it creepy. Don't use the word "love". You did not love her, you had a crush on her. Keep it simple. Keep it friendly.

Something like "Hey, (something) just reminded me of you, and I wanted to say hi. I don't know if you ever realized it, but I had a little crush on you in school. Hope your doing well!"

No romantic poetry, no talk of love or soul mates. You just throw it out there, and let them control the narrative. If they never respond, you never follow up. If you talk as friends, then be friends. If they secretly had a crush on you this whole time and want to get together, congratulations!

No

Right now it's weighing on you. When you tell them you are taking the weight off of you and giving it to them to carry.

If you're honest with yourself - really, really honest - you will see that your desire to tell them is motivated by your own vanity and desire for attention. You're doubtless imagining some big scene in which either they fall into your arms or in which you get to stride off into the sunset as some kind of noble self-sacrificing hero while they wonder what might have been. Don't fall into that trap. It's childish, and it's selfish, and it's getting into some really dodgy territory that ends with the manosphere and incels and all that. Just keep your counsel, and move on.

You seem young and infatuated, probably not a good idea either way though.

I've seen it go both ways. Some reveal feelings they also had. Some are creeped out and let it put a whole different perspective on your whole history together. If you decide to tell them, start by saying that your feelings are in the past and that you don't expect anything to happen, you just felt you needed to share.

Tell her the day after you no longer feel the need to

"I used to have a big crush on you" totally legit, playful, good way to see if she was ever into you.

"I used to love you" that's weird. If you're still friends don't you still love her at least platonicly? The explanations you've been giving in this thread can only make the situation more strange and more awkward. Love means a lot of things to a lot of people so it's a weird word to use in the past tense about a friend you used to also be attracted to.

Not a good idea imo. I’ve never heard of any girl/woman reacting positively to such situation. I myself and many of my female friends experienced it before - even if we managed to be polite and just laugh it off, privately we agreed it was uncomfortable, sad and rather pathetic, some of us plainly admitted it’s creepy, gives off stalker vibes.

Entirely depends on if the person is chill and can laugh at it or if they will freak the fuck out and never talk to you again.

Also, you had a crush. You were not in a relationship with this person. You did not love them.

You can't do love by yourself. What you experienced may seem profound, but it can't be anything but myopic because it's all in your imagination. This is like falling in love with a fictional character or a celebrity.

It's the difference between sex and masturbation.

The bus you avoided yesterday you do not throw yourself under today.

Personally I wouldn't drop a love bomb on anyone out of the blue. But if you're feeling the urge to reconnect why not try something less intense, like "Hey dreamgirl you just randomly crossed my mind, I used to have such a crush on you back in the day, what's going on in your world?"

Why do you want to tell her after all this time? Do you still talk/hang out? What kind of response do you expect or want from her if you do tell her?

I did it; it was appreciated.

Someone else did it with me; I appreciated.

I did once she was pretty cool about it, not entirely sure how one-sided it was but I never made a move. She didn't reciprocate