this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2026
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ok i am ACTUALLY coming out to my dad soon (aussie.zone)
submitted 2 weeks ago by minty@aussie.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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hellooo

I made a post ages ago (well like a few months ago) on coming out to my dad.

So I am going to come out to him this tuesday. The tits are coming through and its getting hotter (no jumpers) so won't be able to hide the changes in a few months in all likelihood.

The plan is: I have dnd on tuesday, and have requested a day off from work. I will email him at like 6pm, and stay over at my friends place for the night (have to anyway since dnd is so FAR away). Then I'll have work the day after and won't seem until like 8pm. Also I get the support from the dnd group.

I know it sounds cowardly to kinda run away, and not talk to him directly but this is probably the least stressful for the both of us. We can both process what's happening for a whole day, rather than in the space of 10 seconds and say something we'll regret.

I am 24 years old so I feel a little pathetic for being so scared to just say it. Plus I do have support from literally everybody else. My mum, my brother, his partner, friends. Everyone I love but him.

There is also another layer of ridiculousness to my fear. He knows I crossdress and stuff. He's seen me. I had a whole 3-4 years femboy era lol.

Is he fine with it? well yes, in terms of respecting my autonomy as an adult. But I wonder, does he think I am a sort of freak for doing that? Or does he think its just something I do. I dont know. He never fucking says anything. He's never really talked with me about anything emotional, at least from memory.

I do know he does judge non-passing trans women. I know that because of some comments he's made in the past. He also watches dodge af youtube channels. So idk.

The guy also says a lot of fashy shit. Luckily for me not really towards trans folk? its mostly racism with him.

I think I hate any sort of conflict. Like if he brings up regret rates, or health issues, says I'll never be a women I just won't be able to defend myself. I think i'll just cry or something and hope mum steps in and then also hope there's no yelling. I feel very pathetic and childlike.

As I said, I have a lot of support so I'll be fine materially and physically. And mostly emotionally.

Ramble over. made this post to just vent while I wait for another psych appointment.

Hope you all have a lovely day/evening/night!

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[–] thoughtfuldragon@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Good luck!

[–] minty@aussie.zone 10 points 2 weeks ago

thank you!

[–] SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't have any stakes in this game, so take my answer with a grain of salt. But while living with my now ex-wife, I learned some things about family and what we make out of it, as she has a lot of emotional baggage to carry.

First of all, I wish you all the best. Good luck and that it will pan out like you hope it will and with love and understanding and happiness.

But it not ... Family for her now are the people that appreciate her how she is and not the group she has been born into. This was a long journey for her and it took a lot of strength. I hope you don't have to walk that way. But if you do, remember that there are people that love you. Even if you can't see them in that moment.

But I'm rooting for you, and I bet it'll all be great!

[–] minty@aussie.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you!

Yeah for sure. Family is more then just blood, and one shouldnt feel guilty about distancing themselves or estranging when theyre biological family is toxic.

Fortuntely I dont see myself doing that. That said I would like to move out to create some physical distance.

[–] Shirow@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 weeks ago

Wishing you the best

[–] luciole@beehaw.org 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The fact boys are socialized to cull their emotions often results in a distrust for emotional intelligence. The lack of empathy is an unfortunate conduit for fascist and various -phobic opinions (such as judging non-passing trans women). I'm not making excuses for your dad; I want to underline his issues aren't yours and you don't have to absorb the toxin it produces. If he spouts prejudice, you have no obligation to defend yourself or argue with him.

Voicing how you receive his reaction and leaving it at that is neither pathetic or childlike, it's taking the high road. If I made my daughter cry, it certainly would make me think hard about my life choices. If he does, it might spark a thought as well. Hopefully it won't come to that! Wish you all the best.

[–] minty@aussie.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you, that really helps.

Unfortuntely he has cPTSD from his upbringing so he's very afraid of his emotions. He's also crazy insecure and I can see fairly easily that is reflected in his politics.

I had a lot of shame around how my father sometimes speaks, still do to an extent. However ive come to realise its not as if its my words coming out of his mouth. Theyre his own.

I do feel shame for not calling him out more, but your comment on thar does make me feel a bit better.

[–] compostgoblin@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago

I know how scary it is, but you’ve got this, girl! Good luck!