this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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chapotraphouse

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We all know our boy Oswald was a CIA plant, but what about the assassination itself?

It's gonna be 15 years until all the records get released so make your bets now on the most likely outcome as well as your favorites.

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[–] WoofWoof91@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

We gotta retire "his head just did that" and replace it with "he held in a big sneeze."

[–] WoofWoof91@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

you're right, that is better lol

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

It's very simple. Oswald was a CIA plant. He was in his nest, playing with his rifle as Lyndon B Johnson sat behind him eating a bag of chips. Lyndon B Johnson reminds him to check that the safety is off, which he had forgotten to check himself. He's a little annoyed as Lyndon B Johnson gives him advice about how to take the shot, causing him to space out.

Meanwhile, in the caravan, JFK greets several attendees. The first lady asks the driver to play 'that song she likes.' JFK immediately responds by telling the driver not to play that horrible song. The driver plays it anyway. At this point he's also annoyed, and starts to space out.

With both of them looking out above them, they join in song.

After a short duet a shot rings out, Oswald shouts "Somebody else got him!" and Lyndon B Johnson instructs him to abandon the scene.

[–] Tachanka@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

It's gonna be 15 years until all the records get released

the records will be released in the truth/reconciliation committee after the BRICS allies partitions the capital of the 4th reich (Washington DC) at the end of WW3

[–] Crowtee_Robot@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago

JFK did it himself to preserve the timeline.

[–] JuryNullification@hexbear.net 12 points 2 years ago

Sirhan Sirhan was MK Ultraed and RFK’s bodyguard killed him so that RFK Jr would be an antivax weirdo.

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago

jfk is still alive

Death to America

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago

If we pour enough dry martinis on Dulles' grave his thirsty ghost appears and might be willing to tell the truth

[–] pooh@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It was at the very least the Dulles Brothers and a cabal of their people at the CIA.

[–] CommCat@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I read a new scenario. Oswald was definitely a CIA plant, but the reason for the assassination was to blame Castro and Cuba, thus justifying a military invasion after the failed Bay of Pigs. This explains Oswald being in the "Fair play for Cuba" committee and actually filmed getting in a physical altercation with a gusano. Remember back then nobody is walking around with their phones and filming everything, how was this altercation caught on camera? This got him on radio to debate the gusano and praise Castro/Cuba. Two months before the assassination, Oswald, or an impersonator, travelled to Mexico City and visited the Cuban and Russian embassies, looking to enter Cuba.

The explanation why there was no military invasion of Cuba, was that Johnson was afraid of risking WWIII, and he wanted to focus on Vietnam.

[–] pooh@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

This explains Oswald being in the "Fair play for Cuba" committee and actually filmed getting in a physical altercation with a gusano.

I think I’ve heard this as well. It makes sense that it was the original plan, but maybe they abandoned it afterwards because they thought it might lead to too many questions. Also Johnson as you said.

[–] robinn_IV@hexbear.net 5 points 2 years ago
[–] the_kid@hexbear.net 3 points 2 years ago

Israel did it