this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.

top 50 comments
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[–] Therealgoodjanet@lemmy.world 77 points 2 years ago (3 children)

This is a parody account, right? Right?

[–] youCanCallMeDragon@lemmy.world 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It must be there’s no way this is real.

Oh dip, nice username

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[–] sock@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

i feel like hes almost too articulate even in his typos for this to be non parody. this sounds like a non stupid guy making a joke for religious idiots to fall for.

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[–] promitheas@iusearchlinux.fyi 59 points 2 years ago

God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!

Bulletproof logic

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 49 points 2 years ago (1 children)

National Association of Satan's Atheists, or NASA.

[–] ersatz 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm proud to be one of Satan's Atheists, but we're actually international now. We've got a chapter in Manchester.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

Yes that's the INASA.

[–] madmaurice@discuss.tchncs.de 49 points 2 years ago (2 children)

"Satellites block God's ability to watch us"

The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.

[–] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Same God that 'decided' a year shouldn't land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.

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[–] SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de 32 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.

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[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Isn't God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

That should tell you just how serious this issue with satellites is...

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 2 years ago

yes but he doesn't want to interfere with our precious free will, starvation and rape be damned

we just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps

[–] ColonelSanders@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 15 points 2 years ago

All prayers are being converted to "bring back Evel Knievel." We really want him back.

[–] FerbFletcher@reddthat.com 27 points 2 years ago (6 children)

This is either (1) satire, (2) trolling, or (3) someone who has no real grasp of Christianity. Or some combination of the above.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (6 children)

(4) Protestants doing an unholy amalgamation of Catholic spirituality and Rational Scientific Inquiry to reach absurdist conclusions at their intersection.

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[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.

I mean this God of theirs is shit, can't even get around satellites, didn't think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.

Also God invented Cancer.

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥

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[–] Jeanschyso@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

I did the research. It is satire. They wished everyone a Merry Eaglemas this week.

This is a funny one.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

The Jews TM are using iron dome to shoot down christian prayers before they reach heaven.

[–] A_Porcupine@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

It's a good job they haven't heard of ceilings yet. 😅

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

Let's detonate the moon since it's the biggest satellite

[–] Sanyanov@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago (2 children)

C'mon, the picture is clearly ironic

Don't be so serious about it

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[–] capital@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago

Ok everyone stop upvoting and downvoting. We’ve reached the perfect score.

[–] SinningStromgald@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

Just imagine Jesus up in space bouncing from satellite to satellite getting all pissed off cause he just wants to get to earth and get this second coming shit over with so he can go back to heaven and bang some angels.

[–] ieightpi@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

It isn't a coincidence that's lemmy is keeping the upvote number at the "mark of the beast".

[–] nnullzz@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

They say as they post from a mobile device providing internet connection via a satellite.

[–] explodicle@local106.com 8 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Wait, really? I just assumed it went from my phone to the tower, and then all solid wires from there.

[–] Numpty@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Generally, you use the radio network from mobile phone to cell tower, and then fibre optic to the switches. Sometimes they use microwave line of sight for surface-to-surface connections where fibre doesn't make sense, or is unviable (terrain, distance, cost, difficulty of laying fibre, etc.). It's possible that there could be a satellite connection in the process, but unlikely unless you're on an airplane, a ship, etc.

The GPS on the mobile phone definitely does use satellite (receive only though, no transmit).

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't know what's real anymore...

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

I honestly have no idea if this is satire and I'm afraid of the answer

[–] jtk@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If prayers were detectable, interceptable, and alterable, there'd be entire branches of science dedicated to them.

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[–] HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

God's some real weak mofo if he can be defeated by satellites.

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[–] LoremIpsumGenerator@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

I want what this guy smoking. Their angels need to go flight school again.

[–] Katzelle3@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

We need to ban prayer to prevent Kessler syndrome!

[–] Pyroglyph@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

Conveniently forgetting the "God exists within all of us" schpiel that they made up as soon as we went to space and found nothing there.

Definitely either parody or very stupid.

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

I mean, yeah, NASA found a way to literally stop god's power, and they keep it to themselves.

[–] Jungle@linux.community 8 points 2 years ago

Are you sure you are listening on the right wave band? God has moved to the 2.3GHz L-band allocated for DAB.

[–] norgur@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 2 years ago

God: Almighty being that just blinked everything into existence in a.week Also God: me am no completent enourgh to strip theses sattrilghts

[–] digeridoo@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago (2 children)

This isn't real, right? RIGHT!?

[–] mypasswordis1234@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Only God can tell. Oh, wait-

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[–] voidMainVoid@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I wonder why atheists do this when there's so much real Christian stuff to laugh at.

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