this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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-Do not Brigade other Communities

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


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founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Start the new year off right and leave this bad habit behind you, it's disgusting!

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[–] robocall@lemmy.world 45 points 2 years ago

I shit every day and can't stop. I can't control myself and my desire to shit is so strong, I find myself putting it before my family, friends, job, I'll even wake up in the middle of the night with the need to shit sometimes. This addiction impacts my life every day. If I don't shit, I start to think about it and worry.

[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

But when will I use Lemmy then?

[–] lugal@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

I prefer the term freelance CEO

[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

I work in the food industry. Only time I'm on Lemmy at work is breaks/bathroom

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Slogan should be "put a cork in it."

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Tampons work surprisingly well.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

How many do I need to eat for it to work?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (3 children)

If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Wish granted. You now have catheter and colostomy bags.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

STOP BEING THE TRICKY KIND OF GENIE PEOPLE!

[–] platypus_plumba@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

Wish granted, I'm the murderous kind of genie now. So... What's your last wish?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Jeez. All I wanted was to never have to be around poo or pee again. Is that really asking too much? You guys are mean.

[–] Bleach7297@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 years ago

Granted. You are on the moon (with empty bladder and poop shute)

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It's simple, you just have to remind yourself of the difference between the words 'give' and 'take' a shit. You have to observe the direction of transaction, are you giving or taking?

And if you're taking a shit, well where the hell are you taking it to, and why? 🤔

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

When my dogs poo while I'm walking them, I have to take their shit from someone's lawn to my garbage can if that counts.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Well clearly you've identified the problem. If your dogs poo every time you walk them, then stop walking them and they'll stop pooing, problem solved 👍

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[–] SapphireVelvet84839@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Everybody jokes but one day there's going to be a Cyberpunk|40kMechanicus|DeusEx market part for purchase, and the world will be further divided by those that need access to sewage and those that do not.

[–] Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If I could buy an implant that compressed my shit into diamonds, I would be so happy.

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Were you aware that even the butthole itself is an optional accessory that can be removed?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbvLk_R4kPU

Can't make this shit up 😂🤣

[–] chickenpotpi@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Shitting is so wasteful. People dont know that you just have to hold it in for a while, so your body can fully utilize it.

Source: I am voice actor for GTA 6.

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 3 points 2 years ago

Oh my god it's dickvamblerAU. Can you say "boop" for me?

[–] sagrotan@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

Reading this shitting

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

We went from 3 days to infinity?

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

*until you die. Which I assume is not too much longer than 3 days.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Yeah but this is for all humans, so forever. (I guess you could say they would all die though.)

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

I'll be sending TP! Thoughts & Prayers 🙏

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 years ago

Im doing it right now, cope and seethe amirite

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago
[–] jdf038@mander.xyz 5 points 2 years ago

You all are so weird. I love it.

[–] dutchkimble@lemy.lol 4 points 2 years ago

We need VaPOOrise

[–] JoYo@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 years ago

wait until they learn about eating. fucking revolting.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

Some Lemmy advocacy does feel like this

[–] autokludge@programming.dev 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Pro tip - Simply eat a light meal of shirataki noodles, around 200 Cal. With any luck you can form your very own bezoar and rid yourself of this addiction for the rest of your life.

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[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Like that old Kids In The Hall sketch.

"WE WILL NOT BE TYRANNIZED BY OUR BLADDERS!"

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I may be accidentally joining this ... um... movement

because I've been procrastinating squeezing out a loaf I've had in the chamber for a couple hours

[–] Resol@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I imagine myself completely exploding after about a week of not shitting. It's still gonna make a shitty mess everywhere.

[–] LordOfTheChia@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)
[–] brassorchid@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

gotta do as much disgusting shit as possible for the creepy watchers. this is what they get.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 2 years ago

I prefer Humans Against Masturbating And Shitting

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Yeah I'm a HAS-been supporter and I'm PROUD

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

ALL HAIL DIARRHEA!

[–] ArugulaZ@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

I always leave it behind me. That tends to happen when your digestive system ends with your backside.

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