I got reverse onioned a little while ago. There was an article about a kids version of the AR-15 called the JR-15, and it was so ludicrous and I didn't know that website, I thought it was a satirical article for a while... Weeks later I mentioned it as a joke, but my brother said it was real and I checked and saw he was right.
this post was submitted on 01 Feb 2024
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Asklemmy
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AR is short for Adult Rifle
I just can't figure out why we have a school shooting problem...
- says the only nation where this regularly happens.
They got rid of gun shaped transformers (megatron) and gun shaped Pez dispensers. You can't expect Americans to do more than this.
My favorite childhood toy was a metal-and-plastic, kid-sized Winchester 1873. It came with plastic beads it could shoot - they were all lost within days, but it still made a "pop" when you cocked and shot it. I tried to carry that thing everywhere; I clearly remember the trauma when my parents refused to let me take it to church, or school.
Anyway, I've always assumed my experience and desires were pretty standard for kids: they like guns. Is that uniquely American? Do German and Chinese kids not run around with gun-shaped sticks or toys "shooting" at each other?
Edit: typo
Sure they do. The difference is they don't do it with real weapons because people generally don't own real weapons. When they do own one (for hunting or sport, never for personal protection), it's locked in a secure safe by law and requires successful completion of a fairly tough training with a proficiency test at the end.
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I only occasionally see that here in Asia. It exists, but I feel like it's much less. I immigrated here maybe 12 years ago from the West. The overall level of violence is much lower than I grew up with (even in Canada).
Most young people I know consider handling guns more of a chore. In Vietnam, learning to disassemble, clean, maintain, and reassemble an AK-47 is a mandatory class. My wife got top score :)
Anyway, we stumbled on a great way to make guns uncool, I think. Personal possession is illegal here except for shotguns, it's for some very specific scenario that I don't exactly recall. I knew of some remote workplaces with one, in case of wild animals. We get some, but not many, illegal firearms.
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I am NOT joking. This is serious shit, I almost puked because my toots smell so bad. Listen, I'm not a psychopath. I just needed to use up some onions. In my defense, I had some steak with it too. Steak and onions, not a bad combo right? I flew too close to the sun. Too many onions.
I made the mistake of sitting on the couch and farting, now the place where I sat reeks to high hell. I'm surprised I didn't melt a hole through the fabric. I've been trying to fart outside on my balcony to keep from just blowing shit Febreeze in my flat. Now I'm sitting in my office chair and trying not to gag. I'm not squeamish, especially not with my own farts. This is different. Too many onions.
My whole apartment smells like a cross between an outhouse and a paper mill with a dash of rotten egg and diarrhea sprinkles. Why did I do this to myself?? I was a fool. Nay, I am a fool. I don't even want to think about the torrent of ass lava that I'll be subjected to tomorrow morning. I'm going to have animal control at my door thinking a family of possums died in the vents. How will I be able to tell my girlfriend that I can't come see her because I have putrid onion gas? This is a lamentable misstep on my part, I ate God's ass apple and now I'm paying the poo poo price. Too many onions.
UPDATE: As predicted, I did a world-ending dump that left my legs trembling and gave me what I can only describe as "the schwetts" (shit sweats). It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that the malignant stench my shit left is clinging to the walls like cigar smoke, except the cigar is just a turd. I was naive enough to leave my hand towel in the bathroom while I did the dark deed and it will now need to be burned, it absorbed the ass fumes like a greedy little sponge. Evacuating this demon crap from my body tired me out to the point of needing a nap afterwards. I'll be getting in touch with a local priest in hopes of getting my shitter blessed. I looked into the eyes of god and found only poo. Hell is real and it can be purchased for about $1.25 per pound
Yummy! Now I want onions too
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About 20 years ago I was so outraged by Bonsai Kitten that I asked a friend's mom to help me write letters to ISPs and law enforcement to try to get it taken down.
It was a site with pictures of cats in glass jars, but it had very graphic details about how they supposedly kept cats alive in jars and grew them into weird shapes... I still think it's pretty tasteless, but it was clearly someone's idea of satire. It felt like a big deal back then, but these days it would be nothing more than a bad meme.
It kinda was a big deal back then. This was the early days of mainstream internet hoaxes and a lot of people actually believed that shit (my teenage self included).
a lot of people actually believed that shit
Wot. Srsly?
Wow, looks like I hit the Internet really, really early. Because by the time that stuff came out, I laughed myself silly at how ridonkulous it was.
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You were not alone, it was taken down (and rehosted/mirrored) multiple times because of complaints.
Thirty years ago, I told a friend that Australians come from Australia, Romanians come from Romania, and Canadians come from Canadia. She called it Canadia for thirty years.
Weβve been together for ten years and sheβs only just found out that itβs actually called Canada. Boy am I in trouble.
Going to college in New Orleans, we had a game where everyone had to convince at least one tourist that the river was pronounced MissisSIPPi, but the residents of the state preferred it if you'd say MisSISSippi.
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Someone on Bluesky claimed that the Tesla Cybertruck was emitting "human sewage" or "fishy glue" smells with a convincing edit of a Insider News article. Then they convinced me more by editing/making from fiction a Cybertruck owners discussion board to say someone was posting about their Cybertruck smelling like dog pussy. To be honest, when I saw that I should have known it was fake, but I can absolutely believe the Cybertruck smelling rancid from failing electronics.
I believed the fake article since I had a similar situation with a failing minifridge. There was a strong electronic smell coming from it and while it wasn't really "fishy glue" I knew something was failing and disposed of it immediately. I also remembered a YouTuber having issues with her home wiring emitting a fishy glue smell.
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I think your instance wins best name
Do April Fools jokes count? I was bereft after reading an article 13+ years ago from a trustworthy gaming site that said Armor Games (a popular flash game dev at the time) was taking over all development for the Elder Scrolls games.
(In retrospect, maybe that wouldn't have been the worst thing after Skyrim came out)
I honestly thought that kangaroos were poisonous. That they had a kind of stinger on the elbow.
I even managed to convince a few people of it, including two Australians.
Then later I couldn't find it any more on Wikipedia. Apparently it was a prank edit years ago.
Kangaroos don't but platypus do.
What doesn't the platypus do at this point?
Speak English...?
Only by choice, let's be honest.
I got pretty excited to see an advertisement for Hardee's mini biscuits and gravy. It was like tiny biscuits swimming in a bowl of gravy like cereal and it looked delicious . Then I realized it was April 1st.
Tbh make a bowl of gravy at home (super easy, just milk, flour, sausage, some of the fat from the sausage, and some pepper),
The problem is the biscuits would get too soggy this way, buuuuut maybe you could use the tiny octagonal (or are they hexagons?) soup crackers, that sounds like it'd be a pretty fucking good facsimile and I may have to try it!
Oyster crackers is a pretty good shout actually
YES thank you that's what they're called! It was killing me like a song I couldn't remember lol.
I shared Naomi Klein's support for the "No Label" party on Facebook many years ago. It was of course satire.
Since then I really look into the things people share before I share them myself. Even though I generally trust these people.
April fools on /r/askhistorians
Is "ate the onion" a well known saying? I've never heard It before
I'm not sure how well known it might be, is when you take a The Onion article seriously.
It comes from the phrase "ate it up" (meaning to gullibly believe something) and The Onion, one of the most famous satirical 'news' outlets.
It means to believe a satirical news piece.
If you are unfamiliar with The Onion, a satirical news site, it would not make sense.
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It took me way longer to realize an article about how Alaskan airlines was giving passengers a pass to bring your own pocket tools on one of their flights that it really should have. My only real excuse was that the site wasn't the onion.
I learned a few years ago that the Duke is, in fact, not frozen waiting to be resuscitated. Of course I only learned this after arguing with my prof in film class about it. Classic urban legend. Now I'm worried about any other hoaxes I might have absorbed in the pre-Internet years. At least I know that the Glomar Explorer was not looking for manganese nodules.
Wait until you hear that Disney's Frozen was only created so that searching for "Disney Frozen" would result in the movie intead of Walt Disney's frozen head.
Who's frozen? Who is "the Duke?"
Ah yes, that probably showed my age right there. The Duke was the nickname of John Wayne, who died of cancer in 1979.
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I fell for an April Fools joke years ago saying that an upcoming character to be released in Smite was The Morrigan, then confidently posted about it on Reddit weeks later.
This was years before she actually was released, and long before development was started on her.
I believed a headline that Ryan Reynolds threw on a Wrexham shirt and played half a game as a substitute.. it was April 1st.
When I was younger I used to play at a well-known football academy. Some of the better players stayed on, and one of them (easily the best player in our cohort) signed a professional deal. He was 10x better than me, a player that was probably considered pretty good by normal standards.
Compared to pros he was nothing. He never played a game, had his contract terminated, and he eventually found his level in the 9th tier of English football (lower regional leagues).
Age aside, Ryan Reynolds would look hilarious out there. At his fittest, I still think he'd almost definitely get injured trying to go up against a pro defender. Similar to the sort of smurfing videos you see of pro fighters destroying a local gym in disguise, the difference between even someone at National league or League 2 level to a "good" footballer is crazy.
I thought you were talking about Tony Abbott and his onion moment for a second there ..
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