Make him smoke the entire pack of smarties
this post was submitted on 16 Feb 2024
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chapotraphouse
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I already took away the fortnite but he said that game sucks and is for zoomers. My son is 11.
Torture him by making him watch shows/movies with nudity on screen, while being in the same room.
If this is the route you want to take, go with 40 yr old virgin. Otherwise pick another movie that'll give him 2nd hand embarrassment like Beverly Hills Ninja. Or, if he starts smoking weed, show him the good stuff and make him hit a fat ass dab (please use proper judgement, that shit can hurt and it feels like you can't breathe if you fuck up)
There is no hell quite like seeing nudity or sex with your parents in the peripheral vision.
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read a random NYT article with him
That's torture.
Parenting Will Menaker style
Pretend go to the store for a pack of cigarettes and come back in 10 years. That'll show him.
You make him smoke that entire package of smarties in front of you.
Alternatively, it's a bit outdated, but 1 day blinding stew.
Feed him a soup that makes him blind for a day, a one day blinding soup will remind him who's in charge
Ah, fuck 't. That looks so relaxing, I'm lighting up again
go outside and mime smoking a cigarette. take deep breaths, hold in that fresh air, pretend to knock the ash off the the imaginary stick -- really sell it; make your kid feel like he sabotaged your attempt to quit.
Develop a cough. Tell him you're going to the doctor and come back with a grave expression. Tell him the doctor diagnosed you with lung cancer.
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Make him smoke an entire carton of cigarettes
EDIT: wait that's a ton of money these days
1 day blinding smarties
Make him start smoking. He'll hate that in 50 years.
That'll teach him
I would reccomend filing a large class action lawsuit against smarties and also slap a large vice tax on the smarties.
You have a kid?
He's very soft and small with a tail.
Tell him he's a good boy
based and smartie pilled
um akshually smarties are tablets, not pills
Tell him that smarties aren't made to be smoked, then force him to eat a carton of cigarettes
Remind him that when you were a kid, there were many differences in your life compared to his experiences.
Then make him sit there while you rank them by how "based" each childhood memory was and how he's missing out.
Start smoking a necco wafer roll cigar around the house.
Honestly your kid is based
Ok wait like a box of Smarties? I'm confused how you could make Smarties look remotely like a cigarette
In the US "smarties" are these little chalk flavored sugar discs that come rolled up in plastic in little sticks. I understand in Europe "smarties" are like candy-shelled chocolates or something?
Canada btw
Oh it's Canada where they're those, for some reason I was thinking it was the UK. In the US they're these horrible things that are basically just citric acid and sugar compacted into a chalk disk.
smarties are good tho. solid B+ tier mass-produced candy
100% of the time I ever saw those was in Halloween candy.
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Like a roll of Smarties, the pastel colored sugar discs. There's a different kind of Smarties that are made with chocolate that come in boxes.
I see now that smarties are a different thing in the US and we would call those rockets
I get it now thanks
Tell him it looks like he needs a light and then set the end on fire.
Simple, eat all the Smarties.
Snatch the smarties out of his hands, then grind them up and snort a line of them in front of him
you need to get your son addicted to cigarettes, and then take them away
pretend to roll around in catnip while he watches
Then give him some scritches ❤️ that'll show him.
The Austrian Empire got a big part of its revenue from taxes on tobacco. So when the Italian parts of the Austrian empire wanted to protest against Austria they resorted to a boycott of tobacco. The commander of the Imperial regiments stationed in Italy wanted to get it over with quickly and instructed all his soldiers to smoke in front of the Italians hoping that one of would get mad and start something that would justify a crackdown.
What are non Canada smarties again? For us it's the same as M&Ms
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smarties_(tablet_candy)
They are like Pez but without the dispenser gimmick (and disk-shaped)
We call them Rockets here
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