Avalokitesha

If you measure empathy by understanding other people, I'm a lot closer to 1 than to 100. But if you measure empathy as "feels the vibe of the room, but has no clue if they caused it or someone is angry and doesn't know how to react if they had the knowledge anyway" then I'm above 90, probably.

I'm not saying you're assessment of yourself is wrong - I obviously don't know you. But I'm saying that just because you don't understand why people are upset doesn't necessarily mean you are not empathetic. It was a huge revelation for me when I got that.

I'm not sure if what you describe is really an inability to get the big picture or the lack of available information to really base decisions on.

For me it's hard to make that kind of decisions because other people can't plan well and their estimates are notoriously wrong and forget to take into account a lot of things.

But what I'm really good at it seeing the bigger picture in the sense of knowing the interdependences between things. If I see a requirement I don't just follow it point by point. I think about what how it fits into the whole and where things can go wrong and ask if people have considered that. (90% of time the answer is no)

So I consider seeing the big picture and the details my strength, but like you I struggle to plan ahead long-term or estimate things because I don't feel confident with the amount of information available to make such guesses.

I was thinking of getting my next desktop from them. Can you elaborate?

Seven in German handwriting has an additional line.

Not gonna lie, you sound as if you think controlling parents are in the right, the way you say they should have access.

That's a resounding fuck no from me.

It doesn't matter if kids fuck up or not. If they do, like your son, they hopefully learn a valuable lesson that apparently they have been spared before, for whatever reason. Maybe they never really had to put effort in studying in high school before - I saw a lot of that in my friends at college, they completely underestimated that college is harder than high school.

Or maybe they never learned to get shit done without parents nagging. Especially in that case they need to learn, for you will not always be there to nag. Helicopter parenting is a sign of lacking confidence in your kid's abilities. And even if the kids are fucking up, mistakes must be made in order to learn.

It's not your life, but your kids life, and your kid needs to live it. Let them. Support them if you can and they need help, but don't enable them - if they keep fucking up, let them unfuck it themselves are the third time. Otherwise you'll do your kid a disservice and make them unable to deal with life.

And I'm not saying don't help them if they ask for help, like when they can't figure something out on their own. Help them help themselves as much as possible and try not to fix everything for them.

You controlling the grades is trying to fix it for your son. How will he ever get work done later on his own? Many neurodivergent people don't do well in-office or in a job setting in general. In a home office setting or if you are your own boss the skill to self-motivate is even more important.

Yes. My younger sister was always objectively better than I had been, and while my family was not as blatant as yours (seriously! What they do to you almost amounts to abuse if you ask me!) they subtly acted similar. Not expecting me to do well on my own, I was never fast or good enough... Yep, been there.

However! I've grown up and found my way, and my sister and I are closer than ever. She, too, hated this dynamic. And she told me that actually it was me who enabled her. You see, when I learned something new I was excited and got home and talked about. And she listened and learned. She has a better talent for math and numbers, but in the end when she learned something in school she basically already knew it because I taught her.

And I hated going to places alone, so once when I was in tenth grade I dragged my seventh grade sister to a film club for English movies. The teacher said he didn't think she can keep up but she was welcome to try - and she did. She told me years later that for her there were no limits because of age or assumed ability. I asked, she was allowed to try, and she innocently just picked things up. She said this for her drove home the point of "doesn't hurt to ask" and that this opened so many doors for her.

Objectively she is still "better" than I am. Very successful with a straight career, earns more too. But that's not important. We're still learning from each other and together, and we do our best to lift each other up. And she knows what it's like to grow up in a toxic family, so she gets me.

I guess my point is that life is not a competition. And the "problem" in your situation is not you nor your abilities. It's your parents favoritism and sabotaging and disparaging you. You are not your sister. And that's normal and great. You're different people with different strengths and different ambitions. You will find your way. No matter if it's writing or something else. Don't put that much stock in what you're parents say and demand.

A good GPA doesn't guarantee a good job or a good life. What counts is if you like your life, because you have to live through it.

The guitar cat got me.

Can you control the time when a calendar notif hits? Could changing that time help?

Except some agents go against explicit instructions and delete the prod database. You know your argument doesn't hold, we've all seen the news.

Sticks may be something that he has been hit with before - or maybe it's the position above his head of something that scares him. You never know what a former stray experienced.

In my experience toy type matters a lot too. My current cat goes crazy over feathers at a rope that you can whirl around with a stick - I guess the sound the feathers make trigger her hunting instincts? Our other cat gets scared of that but hes always been sensitive to noise.

He loves those little snakes that are attached to sticks with a rope though. Leaves the feather cat completely cold. Catnip was meh for ours, but both lost their shit with Valerian, totally drugged up for five minutes (then the effect wears off and the cats won't feel the same even with fresh scent). Where I live it gets used to help people sleep so we buy a whole bunch at a pharmacy, fill it into an airtight container (that shit stinks, it could make me vomit) and marinate cloth toys in their that we give them every now and then.

At the end of the day, all cats are different and trial and error is best. Also, if you found a cheap toy that works, stock up - often it's not easy to get replacements once they break.

Wait you wouldn't take your cat? After a week of you rarely being available you consider not being home at all for two days and a night?

I would strongly recommend against that. I'm worried that this may cause behavioral issues with the cat getting bored, depressed, feeling caged...

Possible consequences could be urinating outside the litterbox, willfully scratching your furniture/walls and more.

I'm not sure if with your work and travel habits a pet would be a good choice. Maybe one that doesn't need social interaction?

I would advise against. A house is not a good place for a cat to be alone, and 40h per week is a lot. We have an old cat (17) and my roommate is at home all day and our cat still is super needy for attention.

There may be more aloof cats, but from my experience with cats they are most likely the exception and your cat would likely be understimulated.

Also, most cats do not handle traveling well. It is possible to train them but that works best when they are young and young cats should never be alone in a house for 40h/ week. My mom has taken in cats from an animal rescue organization where the owner was out for long hours too and she got depressed and overate so badly she had lifelong issues, even when she was with my mom and lost weight again. She also was incredibly anxious about my mom leaving her and would get stressed out if she had to be alone.

Despite what you may hear, cats are social animals and need interaction. If you are away from home 40h/week (and that's not counting going to work), it's better to get a bonded pair so they can play and interact. In rare cases you may find an old grumpy cat that will be fine - but you will probably never have a close bond with that kind of cat, and often they are used to going outside.