Stalinwolf

I have cracks on the corners of my fingers, beside the nail. They run deep and I have to put Polysporin with lidocaine on them to reduce the throbbing sting. It's due to a combination of biting my nails and working a job that requires constant antibacterial hand-washing. I hate it.

I always try to imagine the process of deciding, and it's hard to take it seriously.

"Carnidal Donatello has done some great work for the church, and the nuns really like him."

"Yes, sure, I agree with you there. However, I think that Mortimer has been much closer to God. I saw him the other day -- Mortimer, that is, not God -- and I swear he was radiating with light."

"Mortimer truly does radiate with light, but that may have been due to his proximity to the CNPP back in '86, and might explain his extra appendages.... You've certainly been quiet through these deliberations, Marco. What are your thoughts on the matter?"

"Me? Oh. Well.. I kind of like Bill."

Shit's embarrassing. I used to think I was such a clever person, but came across like a loser and a try-hard. Most of them got all of 2 likes, if any.

She has the look of a mom who is also a sister, but also the sister of someone's mom.

And they'll do it again. Make no mistake.

Always fat, stupid fucks that resemble McNuggets.

Immigration Canada wanted proof of my wife and I's relationship, so we dumped a packet of printed call logs on them as thick as a novel. Skype certainly served its purpose.

PARATHOROLOPHUTH!!

My daughter and I saw a video on YouTube a few years back where a kid with a nasally voice and a bad lisp shouted "PARATHOROLOPHUTH!", and now every time we see one on TV or in one of her books, we have to say it exactly like that.

I tried Terraria a few times and I just can't connect with it.

WE.... THOUGHT.... CHUU.... WAS..... A.... TOOOAAAD-UH...

Damn. I went to the dentist for the first time ever (37) and my dentist was cool about it. She said if they've never bothered me, who gives a shit at this point. Fixed my cavities and told me I was awesome.