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this is for everyone who is missing someone this valentine's day

Vin Diesel recently found himself in the hot seat after the actor's YouTube channel was called inappropriate by the board of executives. Diesel and YouTube leadership had words in an emotionally-charged conversation streamed on the website.

"You're filming yourself.... pooping, into the toilet, which I'm told isn't currently breaking any guidelines so there's nothing we can do, but don't you feel ashamed of yourself?"

Diesel recently started the channel to promote the Netflix series Fast and Furious: Spy Racers and doesn't see anything wrong with the videos.

"I don't show logs, I don't show hogs. I cover up the sounds with a SpongeBob laugh, I even keep an air freshener in the outlet. I'm not hurting anybody."

While Diesel makes valid points, the YouTube board of executives is opposed to the idea of potentially showing sensitive content to minors.

"That SpongeBob laugh isn't fooling anybody. I don't know what you're eating but I guarantee that toilet looks like a Jackson Pollack painting. It's SpongeBob laughing and marbles hitting porcelain in the background."

Diesel fired back, giving an impassioned response to the executives' claims.

"I understand where you're coming from, but I think you view your audience as numbers. I treat my fans like family, and family doesn't poop with the door closed. It's that simple."

Diesel and YouTube seem destined to continue locking horns for the foreseeable future. YouTube has contacted Viacom to file a copyright claim but the company seems happy with the free publicity. We will continue to update as more information becomes available.

Source: TMZ.com

Twitter's recent rebrand has the internet buzzing, but nobody is more invested in the change than the CEO of Twitter, now X, Elon Musk. In a recent X thread, Musk described his thought process.

"It's been a long time coming. I've wanted to rebrand the site since I bought it; this new name is a reference to all of my eX-wives, my eX-children, my eXpectations for myself. I look at my life and I see rubble. I want that rubble to spread. I want chaos and turmoil all around me so I can build upon the demolished wreckage of the past. That's going to be my future; rebirth after destruction, and that begins with this accursed website."

Musk has fully leaned into his villain persona in the past 24 hours, expounding even further into this clearly pre-written manifesto:

"I look at all of you, happy despite being poor and it makes me sick. You try to troll me, not understanding the mental strength it takes to live my life. You think sending me Goatse and Lemonparty will stop this? That's just a bunch of guys being gay. That's nothing I haven't seen before."

Musk has continued to write the thread even to the time of reporting; we will update soon with further ramblings.

Tragedy struck the White House this past weekend resulting in Joe Biden breaking down in tears during a planned speech about unemployment. Biden wistfully looked into the distance before saying "She always loved unemployment".

Biden has been inconsolable since the news broke, with his son Hunter taking up the responsibility of primary support. The president reportedly "couldn't get out of bed" for several days and sources close to the situation claim the only thing that got him out of the rut was a chemically-induced bout of mania.

"He kept asking for a hit of the crack pipe, he kept saying 'Pass the crack, Jack' until Hunter was basically forced to let him have one," says White House spokesperson Garreth Wimbledon.

The president's behavior hasn't escaped the watchful eyes of his rivals. Former president Donald Trump spoke on Biden's condition at a rally this weekend, saying "All my wives are still alive. This guy, he's supposed to be leading the country, he can't even lead his wife to the hospital. Now I hear he's smoking crack. Folks, do we want a crackhead in the White House? No, absolutely not. The only Coke I'm having comes out of a can, the only scoring I'm doing is in the polls."

It is unknown whether or not the president is still using; we will update with more information as it becomes available.

Tragedy struck this past Thursday when Tim Gunn, executive producer and longtime mentor on Project Runway, was shot and killed after a contestant refused to accept a loss in the competition. The sore loser reportedly screamed "The colors aren't gonna be the only thing bleeding and washed!" before firing several rounds at Gunn. He unfortunately bled to death as the entire cast and crew watched, refusing to steal his spotlight. Gunn will be missed by fans, judges and contestants for years and years to come.

Curious as to how much blood the human body actually holds? Stream his untimely death now, only on Roku Channel! If you're trying to find funeral looks from the tribute episode, we've got you covered at JCPenney or JCP.com.

Reddit users came together to support a man who goes by the name "LearningToBeSoft" who swore off of masturbation after he allegedly "tore his thing up from dry jacking". The man's post, now deleted, told a harrowing tale of addiction and lust. It went from desperate to inspirational, captivating the community and making the man's story one of the most awarded posts on the website.

Reddit's NoFap community is one of the bastions of chastity on the internet; what makes it truly exceptional is that it's chaste as well as secular. Few sites have been able to walk that line, with notable examples being NPR.org and Neopets.com. Many on the site subscribe to no higher power but there are some that believe they can store up their semen and work it up their spine to gain some kind of mystical abilities. LearningToBeSoft is one of them. He spoke with TMZ today to explain his thought process:

"I realized how often I'd been wasting my chakras inside of a Bang Bus and realized I needed to make a change. If you've heard the story of Yakub, you know that humans used to be able to do telekinesis and create new species. Most of those texts state that the cracker race cannot access these abilities but I am determined to find out for myself. This is the first step on a journey that ends with godhood."

Details are still breaking on this story, we will update with more information as it becomes public.

Matt Christman, host of the popular leftist podcast Chapo Trap House, recently announced that he was leaving the show indefinitely. He announced the departure via a livestream in which he was obviously intoxicated the entire time, slurring his words and stomping around. Christman repeatedly screamed “They put me on Virgil leave!”

“We did put him on Virgil leave,” says Will Menaker, another host of the show. Menaker sat down for an interview with TMZ last Sunday to clear the air. “Look, I haven't talked to Amber and have had basically one conversation with Matt since it happened. I don't have any answers but we know he can't come back.”

The controversy arose after Rhea Seehorn, of Better Call Saul fame, posted screenshots of Christman's messages to her. In the pictures, Christman repeatedly says “pwease gimme me feety” and posted pictures of himself unsuccessfully trying to pop his pecs. It is unclear what Christman wanted from the encounter, but the actress was understandably shaken by what seemed to be the podcaster desperately attempting to sate his foot fetish.

There are no further details at this point, we will update as more information is released.