this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 4 days ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world
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So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

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[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 33 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I can't answer why its happening, but as a man, this is almost the exact experience a lot of us men have on dating apps if we even get matches. Lots of little dates and chats but it rarely ever goes anywhere so i can offer sympathy on why that feels frustrating. Tbh i think meeting people in real life is better as you can gauge the chemistry between two people better irl than over texting. The hard part is that for many young people there are not a lot of places outside of school or work to meet people anymore. Many of our aocial spaces have shifted to online spaces and human relationships aren't fully prepared to catch up to our ever increaaing digital world.

If you feel overhwlemed and burnt out by your experiences online and going on so many dates i would recomend just taking a break from the online dating scene. You're still very young and the world is full of oppourtunity to meet someone who loves you.

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 4 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Thanks for the advice, but I already tried when I was a teenager. I only accepted a date from a classmate who later physically hurt me after I disclosed that I'm trans. What I like about the apps is that they can't hurt me physically they can only say bad things

[–] neatchee@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I think their suggestion was that your teenage experience is not indicative of the experiences you can have out in the wider world.

Dating as a teen is a serious social enigma. You are limited in who you can meet, and everyone knows everyone. That fundamentally changes everything about finding and retaining a partner.

You are still very young (in terms of "finding love"). I know it can feel like you're missing out, and of course we all crave companionship, but you should know that as your life goes on you have the opportunity to meet all sorts of interesting and kind people from all over the world and a variety of walks of life

If you put your focus on developing your hobbies, exploring the world and its varied experiences, and surrounding yourself with people and environments that are good for you, then you are likely to find more genuine, natural romantic connections just by forming non-romantic relationships along the way.