this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2025
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Witches VS Patriarchy
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If women are allowed to say "I hate men" and we pretend it means "I hate the way men treat me" do you advocate for the same treatment of men who say they hate women?
I think you misunderstood the meme, it's not a moral license to allow women to make problematic generalizations like "I hate men" - it's clearly still problematic.
Instead it's attempting to explain where women are coming from, to provide context that women are reacting to a situation ... and yes, that situation is different for men, that's the whole point.
So no, when men say they hate women it's not coming from the same place as women, the situation is not equivalent.
I think if a man was, for example, physically or emotionally abused by a woman, got PTSD as a result, and he got out of that relationship, and later said "I hate women" in private to other men and/or trusted women, I wouldn't feel great about that, but I would understand in that context why he would say it.
I think the rules change when you take the same language to the public sphere, including social media, especially when factoring in that women are in a more marginalized group.
But I don't want to get into that, out of concern for justifying society's irresponsible use of social media across the board. The thing I think matters more is that sometimes hurt people don't use perfect language, and in private conversations, you can better contain the fallout that can come from that.
Adult women rarely kill adult men but murders of women by men aren't infrequent. The hatred is very different.
I don't personally approve of the whataboutism of the top-level comment, but I do disagree that death statistics are a reason to point and say "that hatred is okay".
If someone wants to say "I hate the fucked up system and all the people who support it", then I am right there with them as a straight white man. Shit's fucked, and is rapidly being further fucked, with malice aforethought, by most governments on the planet, and such policies are being met with thunderous applause. There are many people worthy of hatred. To make a blanket statement like "I hate men" when you mean something else is just a sign that you aren't being considerate of the actual words you say, and is totally unproductive as a starting point, serving only to alienate. Even as a staunch ally of any effort to eradicate patriarchal systems, I will not show up to support a cause that starts with "fuck you in particular, (by the way, not you, you're one of the good ones)". That othering inherent in the choice of phrase is chosen. Maybe it does just come from a place of trauma, but it is an inherently alienating statement to make, and expecting tolerance from the people you alienate with it, so that you can qualify your lack of consideration with nuance, and then complaining when people refuse to engage with what appears, on its face, to be a blanket statement of hatred, is wholly counterproductive to any attempt to communicate with allies.
This is the best take. Imo it's weird to expect random strangers to empathize on a personal level when the conversation starter is essentially "fuck your kind". Then if you call them on it, you are accused of being defensive. Some people act like you cannot object to something on objective grounds if the playing field isn't already level, so the victim should always get a pass. Yeah, if I know you personally that makes sense. But if I don't and you're just going to make blanket statements like that, I don't necessarily understand where you're coming from and I'm not as prone to empathize. And I generally am empathetic. Imagine how this comes across to people who aren't. Or actual misogynists. They're just going to hate women even more. No chance they're going to see how shitty they've been to women when all they read is how their entire gender is trash. You can ask me to see past the phrasing and I might, but you cannot demand it and then expect everyone you encounter to abide, unless you're okay with a lot of pushback. Probably a lot easier to rethink your word choice.
Who do you think the message is directed at, other women or you?
If they posted it publicly without specifying, is it on me to automatically assume it's only directed at a particular group?
Sure, I don't disagree that a public post inevitably elicits responses from all sorts of potential audiences, but I think your choice to center yourself in the comment was kind of revealing.
You didn't read my comment so kindly go away.
Thank you for your comment, but I see it differently. All the best 👍
So, no.