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I was like this when I started dating. Popular media and family impacted how I viewed love and relationships, so accustomed to living with controlling narcissists I didn't understand what healthy affection looked like.
My first relationships were nightmares with similar people who reinforced those ideas. If I was approached by someone with a healthy, balanced mindset, I wouldn't know what to do with them.
Which is not to provide a solution, but rather some insight. In a sense it's a good thing you recognize a toxic situation before it begins, in another sense it can be lonely and frustrating, and I can commiserate from the other side
I completely agree and I can validate many women I've met have been in very toxic relationships, and as much as they hate them, they do not know how to function in a healthy one