this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2025
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[CW: self harm][CW: suicidal thoughts] Loneliness (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by kiara@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Since the start of puberty I shut myself in my room, mostly only to come out for school/work and for visiting my father every second weekend because my parents are divorced.

A bit over two years ago I realized I was trans, but I could still live like that, being in my room most of the time. After starting HRT I began to feel lonely and feeling the need for friends, which I didn't feel before.

Now, at around three months after starting HRT I feel like I die if I continue to not have any social contacts and already harmed myself because of the loneliness. At least everyone who knows me is supportive and I managed to talk to my mother that we do more together like walking, but it didn't really help with the loneliness.

I have no idea how to make friends. I don't talk much, partly because I hate my voice, but also because it is difficult for me to find words and things to talk about and I can't say anything when I am in a group of more than a few people.

I don't really expect helpful advice here but anything would be appreciated. I mostly just wanted to write that all down.

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[–] nkat2112@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (5 children)

Internet Dad here,

Kiara, I just want to tell you that you are wonderful just the way you are, and while you might not like the sound of your voice, to others out there, it's a beautiful melody. Mark my words.

I'm glad you have your network of support, but I also understand that doesn't solve the battle with loneliness that you're confronted with.

I'm not very good with advice, but I'm wondering if the world needs a chance to get to know you. If you're often in that room, that might be an obstacle.

When you can, go out and take long walks. You might need to force yourself a little to do that. Dress the way you want. Also, try to smile even when you're not in the mood to smile. Perhaps I'm being overly optimistic, but I like to think happiness is just in front of us but we need to reach out to grasp it. That reaching out requires effort. And in our grief at times, we feel a lack of motivation to apply that effort. But I'm asking you to do so.

Take walks, take deep slow breaths, drink water, and know that you are loved.

Your Lemmy family is looking out for you. Keep us posted.

Also, if you have time, there is a protest starting shortly - No Kings 2. It might be helpful to be with a crowd of people who tend to have a lot of empathy.

Sending virtual hugs, keep your Lemmy family in the loop, we're rooting for you!

EDIT: grammar correction.

[–] kiara@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Thank you very much. I already go out walking together with my mom, I added that in the post. I don't really like to do things alone. I dressed in clothes I am comfortable in since almost two years, even in public.

I don't know about the No Kings protest. Is it in the USA? I live in Germany

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No Kings is in the US but there may be something similar in Germany. Avoid going to any right-wing rallies, lol!

Even just doing grocery shopping can give you practice using your voice so that when it comes to making real conversation with potential friends you'll have one less thing to feel awkward about and can concentrate on bringing your thoughts together.

If you're not already, try using voice training, there's several available online options. Or you might find an in-person teacher in your area.

Remember, other people are going to be much less judgemental about your voice than you are to yourself. You don't go around hearing strangers and thinking "I hate their voice," do you?

[–] kiara@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 day ago

My whole conversation while grocery shopping is mostly "Hello", "with card" and "thank you, bye", so it's not much.

For voice training I would need to speak more, I don't think the few words I say per day are enough and I just can't speak out loud when there's no one to have a conversation with.

It's not about others hating my voice, but me hating my voice. I hate it when I get called over MS Teams at work and after I say "hello" I have to explain that I really am Kiara, even though my name stands under my profile picture, because my voice just doesn't fit. It happens every single time when I get called by someone I didn't talk to before

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