this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2026
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Do American men not look after their kids?
Depends where on the political spectrum they are.
This is the real answer. The only men I know who act like it isn’t part of their job to be a dad are also super “Christian” and conservative.
In one instance I know of the wife has a college degree but the husband doesn’t. They are quite impoverished because he works and she doesn’t because “it isn’t a woman’s place to earn more than a man”. I’m not fucking kidding or editorializing.
"Yes, my self-image is worth $80,000 a year, why do you ask?"
I'll be honest, I've given real thought to the idea of trying to leverage toxic masculinity to get men to take on more domestic responsibilities.
"What kind of real man needs a woman to cook for him?!"
"Bro, are you telling me that a woman can change a diaper but you can't?!"
"Dude, if you can't braid your daughter's hair and get her to dance lessons on time, are you even a real man?!"
"Be a man, put on that thong. What, a big strong man like you afraid of frilly fabrics? It's just cotton man, it can't hurt you. Aww big man afraid of a piece of fabric so sad :'("
It's fun, you should do it, I've had many interesting interactions when going that route. Most laugh, a few get visibly confused and upset, and bro that's the greatest part. Its a great litmus test of how comfortable a dude is in their masculinity.
The number of fathers that gave me shit for taking care of my kids is rediculous. We had our kids 15 months apart and I would routinely have both of them in a public restroom for changing. The pure vitriol directed at me for doing the womens job was immense beyond measure.
On the flip side, when I would take them to the park to play, I would be acosted by nearly every mother there. There were no fathers, just mothers that would have to comment that it was great to see a father participate. I also got a lot of phone numbers that I got very embarrased about and my wife found hilarious.
TLDR:. Most american fathers do not put in much effort unless its sports related.
My kids dad (I am not bio-mom) told me straight up he only wants adult children. I pointed out to him kids ARE adults now and he has no relationship with them due to that attitude. So many fathers want to phone it in then are shocked when they have no meaningful relationship with their kids.
I always liked Ugly Kid Joe's version of Cats In The Cradle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B32yjbCSVpU
The joke is, a caring dad is more attractive to women.
America is just like every other highly patriarchal society: No
Some men are wonderful dads and incredibly involved but culturally speaking American men still very much buy into the concept of “woman’s work” and included in that is women raising his kids for him
It doesn't help that men looking after thier own kids is seen as "babysitting" or even worse a predator.
There's plenty of YouTube reviews of men taking thier kids to the park and watching them play while being a parent. Then female parents call the damn cops on the clear dad being a dad.
so my doofus brother's wife grew up one of those "i refuse to be one of those women who does 'women's work'" and just wants to stay home playing video games. and my doofus brother, well, he's a doofus so neither of them gets their house cleaned. or their food cooked properly. or their clothes cleaned. or any of that shit. it's embarrassing
am a dad, been told I'm 'babysitting' my kids a few times.
My wife has warned her friends "Never refer to my husband looking after his kids as "babysitting" unless you want a snarky, probably very rude response."
"How about I sit on your baby"
My brother gets this a lot when he goes out with his daughters, and I have been told my dad got this a lot when I was a young child.
Not sure I've ever been directly told that despite being just me with my daughter most days/weekends due to my wife's work schedule. Thinking on it, it's probably that I look way more intimidating than I am
Not in my experience. Men behave as if their contribution is either working a job to earn money for the family and/or drinking/physical violence.
Usually both, at least in my region.
I can only speak from personal experience. my father
as a father myself I
I'm not looking for a medal, or a thank you. All I'm looking for is a bit of appreciation when they grow up and look back when they become parents.
I want to break the cycle of shitty father figures, that's all.
In addition to broadly prevalent 'traditional' norms promoted and espoused by men in many, many parts of the US, that assert that caring for a child is innately feminine...
Tons of American women also actively promote patriarchy, they'd call these guys gay and not real men, for taking care of their kids, for being stay at home dads.
Grew up in America. Father never raised me. It was 100% my mom. My only memories of my dad are him working in his office, him losing his shit if you talked to him during the day (even to say "it's lunch time, dad"). Him leading the conversation at dinner, him yelling and screaming at my mom and I, and him punishing me if my grades were more than. 5% away from perfect.
Generally it’s considered suspicious for an adult man to be alone with a child so it’s safer and more convenient for men not to be involved with their children’s lives in any solo capacity. It stems from this idea of everyone-is-pedophile-except-for-pedophiles.
This is a BS justification imo
Being alone with your own child is not considered suspicious. Hanging out alone with out a child at a playground sure. Having your own kid in your cart at the grocery store? Absolutely not
Here in Poland playgrounds are often extended with a public outdoor gym or something similar. That solves all problems, making them social centers for both child-free and parents.
E.g.
With fenced playground:
And no fence anywhere
Same thing in Australia. I love getting a quick workout whilst the kids play. The kids love the gym equipment as well.
Wait, I haven't seen these outdoor gyms around in Sydney. Granted, I'm not paying close attention to playgrounds, in which cities have you seen them?
Nearly every largish playground in western Sydney has some near by. I have also seen them in nearly every playground I have visited in Brisbane area.
I'll keep my peepers open
But that's really sad, if you think about it.
"Generally in the USA, it's considered suspicious."
That means generally, Americans are unaware of these father-child activities.
That means generally, Americans didn't have a good father.
Now, a lot of people would intuitively jump to "Nah my dad was ok" - but if this isn't normal behaviour for you, then you're just unaware of how bad your whole frame of reference is. That is a tough pill to swallow, though.
Except*
yes of course they do.
It's getting better, but you have two factors. One a large portion of men with kids were raised by their mothers, so they don't know another way. That is shifting though. The other is that American women tend to be more competitive or something. Part of the capitalist society type competitive. People still see the kids as Moms job, so if the kids aren't dressed right or whatever, it's Mom's fault. Pair that with the extra competitiveness and plenty of ladies don't trust their man tomanage things. And because the Man isn't going to be judged, he doesn't have as high a bar for perfection, which just amplifys things.
Like I get my son dressed in the morning. And my wife will often reject my choices. Now I have no fashion sense at all, so she isn't wrong or anything. If people wouldn't judge her on my choices, she could relax. Another thing is I handle all the medical and school stuff. But they all still call Mom first. I've had to remove her number in some cases. So even a guy who is trying gets undercut. It's all very messed up.
Paternity leave?