this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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Anon learns to love the bath bomb (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 years ago by Gullible@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
53 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

drop your childhood stories:
>be me, age 12
>hate showering more than anything
>it feels gross and i hate getting wet
>my mom starts telling me that if i don't shower every day then i can't eat dinner
>i want my dindin so i come up with a genius plan
>let the shower run for 10-15 minutes while i sit in the bathroom
>quickly wet my hair with sink
>mom buys it, i get dindin
>after a month she gets suspicious
>realize i have to step up my game
>now i run the shower and rub my arms/neck with hand soap
>also run my hair under the shower so it's dripping wet and not just moist
>she asks why i haven't asked her to buy shampoo yet
>come up with final version of my genius plan
>i'll stand next to the shower, let the water run, rub soap on my whole body and also use shampoo on my hair so it smells like shampoo
>then i'll rinse off in the sink
>all while the shower runs

i did this for four years until i realized i was just showering on hard mode

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[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Kids are great. Mine spend 5-10 minutes refusing to do a two minute task.

Kind of like how I spend three or four days avoiding a ten minute phone call.

[–] qevlarr@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

"dinner is ready in two minutes"

Two minutes later, dinner ready

"but I just started a new game!"

🙄

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

"Why did you do that when you knew dinner was going to be ready in two minutes?"

"dunno"

:/

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[–] CJOtheReal@ani.social 1 points 2 years ago

4 days... I've been avoiding some phone calls for straight up 3 years now, the people probably think im dead.

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

If this isnt fake op may actually be on the spectrum. Washing yourself with the sink Is also called a catwash.

been plenty of times i ve been way to overtimulated to handle a full shower its much more manageable to wash and dry hair and body parts separately one by one.

Op learned what many autistic people do. Inventing an alternative method while masking it into the socially acceptable method.

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It's also called a whore bath. He might just be a whore.

[–] frosty99c@midwest.social 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

A friend of mine is a non-native English speaker. He teaches at an elementary school and works with 'English as a second language' students. He casually mentioned that he always tells his students to take a 'horse bath' in the bathroom sink after recess if needed. He was traumatized when I told him that he'd misheard that phrase for his entire adult life.

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

That story's as spicy as whore's radish!

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago

Reminds me of a snippet of conversation I overheard at the grocery. Kid’s talking to their mom and yells “child prostitution, ever heard of it?” She was pissed.

[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

This is a right of passage. Growing up there are times when you find out that the easy way to go about doing something is the way your parents were trying to pound into your head all along

[–] stevestevesteve@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Rite* of passage

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Write-off passage

[–] Baines@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

some of ye all were just highly regarded

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[–] thorbot@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Anything that starts with "be me" is pretty much universally idiotic, so this is no surprise.

[–] MindSkipperBro12@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (5 children)

You’re allowed to say Retarded here on not-Reddit.

I think.

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago

Depends on the instance! Our dot ml friends can't say or even see it from others.

[–] Kedly@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Lemmy seems to hate that word more than reddit funnily enough. It was my first instance of learning that Tankies have a FUCKED sense of priorities

[–] abraxas@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

A lot of us are really hoping Lemmy doesn't turn into tankie-voat to the extent a lot of lemmy instances are staying away from tankie instances. Being uncool with some shit (like making fun of mentally handicapped people) is part of that.

[–] Kedly@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

1: The vast majority of people using the word Retard are NOT maming fun of mentally handicapped people, its a word used for someone who made a very stupid decision they were perfectly mentally capable of not making, both people who are and who arent mentally handicapped are capable of being retarded.

2: Its the tankie servers that gave me a 3 day ban for using the word, the fucked sense of priorities I was talking about was their supposed heavy support of social justice issues while simultaneously supporting/believing Russia/China have done nothing wrong

[–] abraxas@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The vast majority of people using the word Retard

I have had too many mentally challenged folk in my life, and they are offended by it. It's something to keep in mind.

the fucked sense of priorities... believing Russia/China have done nothing wrong

Oh yeah, they're idiots. Thank god they're not smart enough to make their dystopian wet-dream happen.

[–] Kedly@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

Thats fair, and tbh I'd never use the term around someone with a mental disability unless they told me to (which HAS happened) in person, but on the internet where a thicker skin is required in general, or around friends I dont really see a better blunt term for stupidity, idiot has the same problem as Retard and any term that works now will eventually be tainted by the few who DO use mental health terms derogatively

[–] cashews_best_nut@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I've tried saying removed but it got censored.

This is a test to see if it's instance or community based.

[–] cashews_best_nut@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

I said fag-got and it got censored. What a fucking joke. Why is a British suet pudding fucking illegal to say? What do they have against British food? Fucking faggits

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Are you not allowed to on Reddit?

[–] MindSkipperBro12@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Instant three day ban, I believe. Site wide.

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

Really? That’s retarded.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

You’re allowed to do anything anywhere. All acts are permissible, in the grand scheme. I just don’t care to. Now bothering the people who want to say it, that’s my jam.

[–] trustnoone@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You’re allowed to do anything anywhere. All acts are permissible, in the grand scheme.

Feel like I should remember that more often in life.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 1 points 2 years ago

It doesn't work as a defense in court though

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[–] leftzero@lemmy.ml 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Had to do x km/day on the static bike, because fat.

Got no time for that.

Old static bike, with mechanical revolution counter.

Unscrew spinning cable that feeds from the bike into the counter.

MacGyver Lego contraption, with motor, with a pointy bit that fits where the cable would go.

Motor goes brrr, do required km in seconds, plug cable back in, rinse and repeat;, parents never find out (I "exercised" while they were working).

Still fat. 😞

[–] RoyaltyInTraining@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Stationary bikes suck, riding on a real one is way more fun. I don't blame anyone for hating that

[–] Feirdro@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I’m constantly amazed at the variety of possible human sensory differences.

My problem is not spending the whole day in the shower.

[–] jesterkun@midwest.social 1 points 2 years ago

The white noise aspect of the shower is amazing. Have you ever turned off the lights and just stood under the water in the dark? It's pretty great, in my opinion.

[–] PatFussy@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

are you guys that bitch made that saying retarded on a 4chan sub is crossed out

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah ngl as someone who grew up being called retarded for being autistic I really hate how this word has become a slur.

Like every time people create a word for a specific type of person it becomes a slur. At some point people need to just get the fuck over it.

[–] LwL@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I also just don't get the point of censoring. I don't have any particular feelings about the word retarded, but I'm also autistic. Do I get annoyed when people use autistic as an insult (i hope it never reaches actual slur status because I'll never accept it as such), esp for stuff that has nothing to do with ASD symptoms at all? Sure. Does it make it better if someone crosses it out in a screenshot, or censors it in a quote? Lolno.

[–] smeg@feddit.uk 1 points 2 years ago

Censoring is stupid and people self-censoring just makes me think the user is a child who's scared of being caught saying the naughty words or is just copying what TV does as if they also have to adhere to broadcasting regulations.

A lot of people online don't seem to understand the difference between referencing a word and invoking it. For example, we're in a 4chan community, you should really expect there to be very offensive language in the posts themselves, but we're adults here and we can look at the word "retarded" without thinking that it's OK to use as a slur ourselves.

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