this post was submitted on 23 May 2024
185 points (96.5% liked)

Not The Onion

16740 readers
1775 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 28 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] BetaDoggo_@lemmy.world 57 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Tiny shards" probably isn't the right term to describe particles 20-200 nanometers wide, but this is probably bad nonetheless.

[–] RealFknNito@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

Wasn't scared about microplastics before this headline so it's effective.

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 40 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But where will I put my pee

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Your balls are evolving into plastic bottles. The solution is obvious...

[–] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I found an automatic lemonade maker...

https://youtube.com/watch?v=lVz0XGErxvU

[–] Nikku772@kbin.social 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So like, could I find out who owns the rights to a plastic in me and then invoice them for the storage until they come and collect their goods?

they send an intern with a spork.

[–] Pirasp@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Honestly, I want to be told, when they don't find micro plastics somewhere.

[–] Plopp@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] Pirasp@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago
[–] Shadowedcross@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I wonder if any of the Venus landers had plastic parts.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

maybe this will finally motivate all the idiot men in congress to do something about plastic pollution. (and maybe climate change in general.)

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 36 points 1 year ago

They don't care, they already know they're impotent..

[–] MrStankov@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Nah, they've had their kids, they don't care.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] KrankyKong@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago
[–] stembolts@programming.dev 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh I thought this was going to be a recall.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

But wait, there's more! Wait until the ovary recall announcement!

[–] Cocodapuf@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"tiny plastic shards found in human testicles"

Yeah, it was a rough night.

[–] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 1 points 1 year ago

They need to stop checking out our balls.

[–] NotAFakeHumanoid@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Fosheze@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

The testicles?

[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] XTL@sopuli.xyz 8 points 1 year ago

For science, of course.

[–] Itsamelemmy@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 year ago
[–] cabron_offsets@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Shards in me nards

[–] Jubei_K_08@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

So, on the positive side, we'll now have extra protection for the boys?