this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2025
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The Onion

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[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 32 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm sure the one he's been wearing as a hat since that CEO got shot is going to be different.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 months ago

Wouldn't be surprised if he names his next kid LOU (Luigi Obstruction Unit)

[–] TheObviousSolution@kbin.melroy.org 27 points 4 months ago (1 children)

So he's going to keep having kids until he's eventually able to Neuralink them to like him?

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he does this some day. Like, I'm not being facetious. He would do this if he could. That's how much of a piece of shit this guy is, just in case the Nazi salutes didn't drive it home for everyone.

[–] jimmux@programming.dev 2 points 4 months ago

There's no way Techno Mechanicus is 100% organic.

[–] Sgt_choke_n_stroke@lemmy.world 24 points 4 months ago (3 children)

It's kinda weird most of his kids are conceived via IVF.

Sounds like his dick doesn't work lol

[–] xtr0n@sh.itjust.works 19 points 4 months ago (2 children)

He recently knocked up a right wing influencer. She just posted a statement saying something about “negotiating acknowledgement of the child” secretly with Elon but the tabloids are about to expose them. Maybe it’s an elaborate ruse to seem like a young virile stud just impregnating women left and right but I think the IVF is to select only boys

[–] Sgt_choke_n_stroke@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

God how funny would that be. The child was never real and it's as fake as his "gaming career"

[–] Snowclone@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

He saw The King and I and was like ''why don't I have 100s of kids?''

[–] VerifiedSource@sh.itjust.works 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I think it's likely he does genetic screening or even gene editing for his offspring. This would align with his other futuristic and transhumanist ideas.

[–] jonne 2 points 4 months ago

If he's editing their genes why do they all still have his ugly mug?

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Also women don't want to have sex with him.

[–] jonne 1 points 4 months ago

I'm sure he could find some if he paid them enough.

[–] Sibbo@sopuli.xyz 5 points 4 months ago

It nobody actually wants him to stick his dick inside them?

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago

Again, where satire?

[–] Schmuppes@lemmy.today 6 points 4 months ago

In the picture he looks like Eminem who's discovered all the letters from Stan that he never answered.

[–] clubb@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Looks like he's in for a lot of fucking

[–] officermike@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago

That's why he's fucking every man, woman, and child in the US all at once. It's efficient.

[–] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 months ago

Hmm how to phrase a reply so someone yells at me about Vivian not being dead and I can point out to them that I was talking about Elon's first kid that died from SIDS.

[–] adarza@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 months ago

he would run out of money waaaaay before that happens.

[–] hightrix@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

Can I donate to some fund to help move this along? Karate lessons or something?

[–] frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io -2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That brat he carries around for assassination defense is going to be the biggest asshole ever. I hope someone poisons him to death before he hits sexual maturity to prevent inevitable rapes.

[–] Z3k3@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

The emo teen phase is going to be interesting when he learns dad only hung out with him as a kid to use him as a human shield