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submitted 3 months ago by Maven@lemmy.zip to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 47 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Jack off all trades is gold.

[–] casmael@lemm.ee 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Fuck I missed that actually well done for actually reading things o7

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 months ago

I always look for the Kelly self-inserts. They’re my favorite.

[–] DJDarren@sopuli.xyz 22 points 3 months ago

This is a master(bation)piece.

[–] darko8472@feddit.uk 14 points 3 months ago

Not sure whether that’s the knot holding the towel up or something else.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

Turkey baster.... love it.

[–] otto@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 months ago

Needs more labels

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 8 points 3 months ago

My eyes AND brain are vomiting all over the place.

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Did I miss something? Is he sending his musk out across the country to willing recipients?

[–] Maven@lemmy.zip 20 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Elon Musk has 13 kids and has previously talked about wanting to repopulate the world with his sperm

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 months ago

Also nice-guy threatened to impregnate that one musician.

[–] nick@midwest.social 1 points 3 months ago

14 as of today I believe.

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Guess it's better than his VP who gives his to unwilling recipients.

[–] rebelsimile@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don’t call it a loveseat if it’s not askin for it

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

You misunderstood. I meant Musk's VP, The Orange Rapist.