this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2025
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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/33268509

Another old shitpost I don't think I posted anywhere.

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[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 45 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)
[–] Aielman15@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

My DM once awarded my 13th level Warlock with a 9th-level spell slot as a boon for doing something heroic (the rest of the party also got something equally powerful).

The final battle came, and the good army was fighting against semi-immortal dark elves and their humongous semi-immortal demon of death and destruction and making the puppies cry.

I used that 9th-level slot to upcast Danse Macabre. 13 soldiers rose from the dead to answer my call.

Was it useful? Heck no. Was it hilarious? Absolutely.

[–] Shortstack@reddthat.com 24 points 3 days ago (4 children)

At some point you run out of attacks vs (assuming) a single target, at least if we’re doing tabletop miniatures. Only so many squares surrounding a target you can shove skeletons into

[–] officermike@lemmy.world 26 points 3 days ago

If some of your skeletons have weapons with reach, they can all have a go.

[–] sad_detective_man@leminal.space 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

can skeletons not have bows?

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

By default, a skeleton has a short sword or a shortbow in every edition I know about.

[–] Archpawn@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Does Animate Dead give them a sword and bow? And arrows?

[–] sad_detective_man@leminal.space 2 points 3 days ago (2 children)

that's one of those mechanics that's there for brevity but kind of makes no sense within the physics of the world. this necromancy spell happens to come with a conjuration effect. also the skeleton just can't pick up the weapons it was using in life because reasons

[–] Archpawn@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

Can I sell the swords and shortbows? And their endless supply of arrows? Or maybe I have the skeletons shoot at me, but they hit a slime block on a piston that bounces the arrows up and down and keeps them from despawning and then I can launch all of them at an invader at once.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Mechanically, the monster: skeleton has those two attacks. How works in the lore is... Vague.

I prefer to think the god of death supplies every corpse with those weapons.

[–] sad_detective_man@leminal.space 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

in DnD settings there isn't exactly lore about how they get weapons. in previous editions the assumption was they use what they had in life, what is lying nearby, or whatever the necromancer who raised them hands them.

many of the design choices in 5e are to streamline new players into the gameplay without minutiae like "how many shortswords should I keep on hand to pass out to the skeletons I summon" or "can they wield exotic weapons they held in life". but, yes a solid DM can draw on knowledge of the game to tamper with stuff like this without breaking the game. like having a death god who grants shortswords to boney boys or allowing a player to arm them with other things

[–] YerLam@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

8 base to base, 5 with halberds.

[–] Doc_Crankenstein@slrpnk.net 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

5e rules – you don't end your turn when attacking and can move through allied squares. Iirc it counts as "difficult terrain" for movement distance or that could have just been a homebrew things

So step into square, attack, step out and end turn.

[–] noli@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I guess that works but you'll be taking attacks of opportunity, still worth I guess

[–] Doc_Crankenstein@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

AoO requires a reaction. So only one is going to eat it but, meh, that's why I have 13 of em.

The baker's dozen is 13, because one of them is sacrificial.

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 5 points 3 days ago

At least some versions of D&D had rules where, if one player were surrounded by other hostiles (I think it was 6 or 8), they were basically helpless. There might have been a save to be able to do something, but I can't recall.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 22 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Beacon@fedia.io 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Protoknuckles@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

Boys become men, men becoming wolves

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I love that you used the Skeleton artwork from the 1993 Monstrous Manual

...

I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that I immediately recognized it

[–] Somsphet@lemmy.zip 13 points 3 days ago

RATTLE THEM BOYS!

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

14 skeletons if you're a Necromancer (2014, not the 2025 UA version)

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)

15 skeletons if you include yourself

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Character concept: skeleton necromancer who has to keep casting animate dead to stay alive. Or maybe has an object that keeps casting it on themselves from time to time.

[–] Dagnet@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

I believe Japanese culture has a type of undead that is brought back to life by a talisman on their face

[–] Deconceptualist@leminal.space 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I've never not dreamed of having my own skeleton army.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Army, for sure. For conquering.

Furtive glance at red leather jacket

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 days ago

What a thrilling idea

[–] Iapetus@slrpnk.net 1 points 3 days ago

Anyone else see this and immediately look up if Alecto The Ninth was out yet?