Ask Lemmy

I’ve struggled with this like you for years. My empathy fights with my practicality.

I usually carry some cash and if I have small bills I may give a buck or two to someone. This is more and more rare for me because it’s hard to know who really needs it.

More often, I usually just smile and look them in the eye to acknowledge their humanity. If they ask I just say I’m sorry I don’t have cash.

May not be the most polite thing to do, but when outside I always wear headphones walk at fast pace and don't hear anyone no matter who speaks to be.

I've noticed that as long as I have my headphones on, even if they aren't playing, most ppl won't speak to me anyway.

I don't carry cash on me. I'm mostly not lying. It's rare that I have any. I use my phone for 99% of my daily purchases.

Depends. I probably give more frequently than the average person. I live in an area with a lot of unhoused people and every encounter is different. I have seen the same people panhandling certain areas and I typically skip those, sometimes it's someone selling a newspaper specifically made for unhoused people to sell and I'll tend to buy one from them, sometimes it's someone asking by a store and I'll tell them I'll get them on the way out, if they're obviously not crazy or aggressive in response then yea I do give them something on the way out if I can. One guy walks straight up into traffic with his dog and it's never for him. Sometimes I'll have a bottle of water in the car and I will tend to give that rather than money for the intersection people.

I guess it's vibes whether I give or not. If the vibe is obviously off or dangerous, nah. I will admit to stereotyping this scenario but if it's a lady with a headscarf with kids...no that is a f'ed up scam.

But often it's just someone asking and they're not being aggressive and I'll hand them a buck and nine times out of ten they say thank you or God bless you. 1 time out 10 it isn't as nice or they might ask for more. I don't belong to a church but in some ways I like the idea of tithing so I have reframed a lot of giving out some money directly as part of that. I donate to orgs too. At the end of the day, they're people. I have no clue if or how we can solve the homelessness crisis but I have to keep reminding myself that they're people. So I try to just think of it as if I have it today this could really benefit them and it won't cost me too much to throw a buck their way.

We are also living in an era of increased fear and I am actively just trying to see people for whoever they are and having more small interactions with whoever. Striking up a little small talk with the cashier or people in line. Cracking a joke to a stranger if we both saw something kinda funny. Trying not to be naive about it and using my best judgement but I think we are losing our ability to just be with each other more and more. We all want to live in a community and have a nice neighborhood. The reality is I chose to live where I do and my community has a lot of unhoused people so I have to accept they are a part of my community. I don't believe in gated HOA type living for myself, so why should I expect that level of conformity and comfort? I'll face more discomfort but try to still live within my values in the face of it.

Aaaaand the edible has kicked in.

I used to give them a cigarette. I quit though.

I just tell them I've only got my card on me and keep walking.

As physical money is becoming more and more obsolete this is becoming less of a lie. And I certainly don't carry change on me anymore.

I used to give them whatever small change/bills I had on me, but then I realized that effectively added up to another monthly bill and I'm trying to save up for a home and need to have rainy day money in case my car eats shit. I vote to help them every chance I get and that is enough. If that isn't enough, then that's our system's fault, not my personal fault.

Keep an amount of change on you that you won’t miss, it doesn’t have to be 20s or even 1s. Even if it’s just 20 or 30 cents, it will be appreciated. And if it’s not, that person either has some serious mental health issues that are making them lash out (most likely) or they’re scamming (unlikely but not impossible). You’re not going to look like the asshole in that situation if you just walk away.

Say "Sorry can't help right now", and keep walking.

I really don't have cash

I don't usually give money but I do acknowledge them. Usually try to look them in the face and say "sorry I don't have any cash" or something like that. From having spent time with a few of them (I used to work the night shift at a restaurant and often let people hang out or have a coffee), something that hurts many of them is the dehumanization.

Of course if its not just someone asking for money but someone clearly having a mental breakdown, I do my best not to engage because you never know how that could be taken.

Shake my head, say "sorry man, God bless," and keep walking. I'm not religious, but they often are.

Donate to real charities that actually help people change their lives, or to food banks or shelters that support them. Giving to individuals feels nicer (or worse to avoid) due to the directness, but is ultimately not as helpful.

I lived in a rough neighborhood for a good while. It hardens you to it a bit. I just say I don’t have anything for them.

What I used to do when I lived in an area with a decent number of homeless people, was offer to get them some food, if I had the time for it. I'd walk somewhere with them, say what do you want I'll grab it for you, and come out and hand it to them. It was honestly a little bit awkward to do it without feeling like a ponce, making conversation with the person or whatnot feeling condescending, but whatever.

I would say the majority would discount the suggestion. I didn't feel the slightest bit bad saying no you can't have any money then. A minority would be really into the idea and clearly fucking light up at the idea of having their hands on a sandwich. Those dudes I felt like it was important that they get their sandwich.

I also knew a guy who used to be homeless, volunteered with homeless services and substance abuse programs and etc, spent a ton of time on it. He never gave money on the street. He got very bitter about the subject, he just said that it doesn't help them. Make of that what you will, I don't really know the ins and outs, but that's what he said.

Say I don't have it. Say sorry at the same time.

Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't, kinda depends if I have cash.

As a reasonably sized man, I also try to make eye contact and give a polite "Sorry I don't have anything today." For those who really need the help and are trying like hell to get it, I can't imagine the insult to injury you must feel to not only not get help but also to be treated as though you are invisible. I like to at least let people who ask know that I can see them.

If you're in a legitimately dangerous place or you feel you may be at risk in some way maybe don't do this though.

It’s not common to see homeless people where I live, so I recognize every one that has asked me for money. I give them a small amount each time or buy them staple foods from the grocery stores (they usually wait outside of the entrance). I don’t think I could afford to do that if there were many of them, so I guess I would be honest when I don’t have anything to spare and give when I have enough.

I almost never have cash or even change now, so that's what I tell them. I used to give them some money if I had it and wasn't immediately going to use it. One of my old friends used to give them a beer out of a pack he bought if there was a person outside the store or on the corner begging on the drive to wherever he was going.

If I'm entering a place that has food of any kind I'll just ask what they want, I've rarely been asked for something that exceeds $5-10. More often than not they eat, pack up their stuff and leave after that. They feel acknowledged, I feel good for helping and I also hopefully didn't contribute to the drug issue.

My brother has told me many times before that giving them money ain't gonna do nothing because that's money that they can use for drugs if they're addicted. He says buying them food is better.

As messed up as it is, kinda gotta agree, especially since zi don't know who's an addict and who's not.

I normally ignore them because I don't keep physical cash on me unless I'm making an as discrete as possible purchase. It may sound kinda cruel, but I find it easy for me to just ignore them and pretend they don't exist. Don't know whether that's more of a personality thing with me or because of my autism already making me less likely to wanna deal with people in general.

I give to the obviously mentally impaired ones the most. The last person I gave a 20 to looked straight through me as he talked to god. There is only so much you can do. I know it sucks.