this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
886 points (98.7% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

35661 readers
3669 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] spiffynova@lemmy.world 279 points 2 months ago (18 children)

We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 116 points 2 months ago (3 children)

"Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 75 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

[–] lime@feddit.nu 66 points 2 months ago (1 children)

no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

[–] lime@feddit.nu 24 points 2 months ago

i mean, so is grass

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 26 points 2 months ago

To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they're ovulating.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Spezi@feddit.org 38 points 2 months ago (8 children)
[–] hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 27 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (14 replies)
[–] kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 197 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 59 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That sounds like Strong Bad's alter ego.

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 28 points 2 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 30 points 2 months ago

No relation.

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 86 points 2 months ago (2 children)

In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.

[–] LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 30 points 2 months ago (2 children)

And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 70 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (11 children)
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman sexually
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman financially
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman bureaucratically
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman maliciously
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman abstractly
[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 2 months ago (4 children)

bureaucratically

Please complete forn 69-J (in triplicate) if you'd like to grab dinner.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (10 replies)
[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 61 points 2 months ago

That doesn't sound right but I don't know anything about women to dispute it.

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 55 points 2 months ago (10 children)
[–] wander1236@sh.itjust.works 49 points 2 months ago

There's no way that last sentence especially isn't satire

load more comments (9 replies)
[–] LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 45 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 27 points 2 months ago

Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 25 points 2 months ago (2 children)

My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 40 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 40 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago

once with a women. Trust me.

Stop bragging

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 38 points 2 months ago (2 children)

What's sad about learning something new and getting laid?

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 28 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I sincerely hope you're /s ing.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

[–] thomasloven@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Hi. Welcome to the Internet.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 30 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Yes, please do that. So we are immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.

[–] itslola@lemmy.world 28 points 2 months ago (7 children)

TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago

Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.

[–] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 20 points 2 months ago

We live in a post irony world and I literally can't tell the difference without knowing the source.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] thebudman420@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 months ago

Wow what a cycle that must have sucked

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 18 points 2 months ago (3 children)

We all love some good ol' mansplainimg.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 months ago

This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.

[–] omniman@anarchist.nexus 17 points 2 months ago (2 children)

if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›