this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] spiffynova@lemmy.world 279 points 3 weeks ago (18 children)

We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 116 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

"Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 75 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

[–] lime@feddit.nu 66 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

[–] lime@feddit.nu 24 points 3 weeks ago

i mean, so is grass

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[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 26 points 3 weeks ago

To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they're ovulating.

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[–] Spezi@feddit.org 38 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)
[–] hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That's kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.

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[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 27 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

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[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.

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[–] kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 197 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 59 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That sounds like Strong Bad's alter ego.

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 28 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 30 points 3 weeks ago

No relation.

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 86 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.

[–] LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 30 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.

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[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 70 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (11 children)
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman sexually
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman financially
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman bureaucratically
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman maliciously
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman abstractly
[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

bureaucratically

Please complete forn 69-J (in triplicate) if you'd like to grab dinner.

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[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 61 points 3 weeks ago

That doesn't sound right but I don't know anything about women to dispute it.

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 55 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)
[–] wander1236@sh.itjust.works 49 points 3 weeks ago

There's no way that last sentence especially isn't satire

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[–] LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 45 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 27 points 3 weeks ago

Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 25 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

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[–] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 40 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed

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[–] dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 40 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago

once with a women. Trust me.

Stop bragging

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 35 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language

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[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 38 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

What's sad about learning something new and getting laid?

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 28 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

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[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I sincerely hope you're /s ing.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

[–] thomasloven@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Hi. Welcome to the Internet.

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[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 30 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Yes, please do that. So we are immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.

[–] itslola@lemmy.world 28 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago

Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 21 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.

[–] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 20 points 3 weeks ago

We live in a post irony world and I literally can't tell the difference without knowing the source.

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[–] thebudman420@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 30 points 3 weeks ago

Wow what a cycle that must have sucked

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 18 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

We all love some good ol' mansplainimg.

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[–] QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 weeks ago

This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.

[–] omniman@anarchist.nexus 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?

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