Hmm, bear. With a month of preparation and a sturdy spear I think I can do it.
I've fought enough chickens to fucking fear three geese at once. I think people are underestimating that. And also, money.
this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2025
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I had retired fighting chickens that I kept.
One filled the heart out of the other in a fight...
They are unbelievably violent.
(Later ate them although their heirs survive to this day) also ate some of their heirs ๐ญ
Yep. Did they ever manage to break your skin? A wing to the face is also way more uncomfy than I think Reddit/Lemmy ever anticipates, and geese are much bigger and built to actually fly. I don't know if they could actually kill me, but they could shred me to a bloody pulp and there's not much I can do to stop it.
I guess I am assuming they're seriously trying to kill me back. If they act like normal geese I might change my answer, since just splitting them up should be doable.
They did. Hand and arm only, but those fucks were not kind.
I still think you are underestimating the strength and violence of an average Joe. And the usefulness of thumbs
Well, it's about me specifically, not someone else. I know if I stomp on a goose hard it's going to do damage, but then again I can only attempt it so many times before exhaustion, and there's the whole issue of what the other two are doing during that movement. If I grab a part and bend it a way it doesn't go, that's more reliable and repeatable, but I'd have to have the chance.
My actual plan would be to not stop moving, bat away the attacks I can, protect my eyes, and take any opportunities as they come.
With the bear, I spend the month training with the spear, and wait for the bear to come to me. If it impales itself it's a matter of strength, weight and technique to keep myself on the not-deadly side. The thing I fear most would be it managing to swipe the spear out of the way and then close on me, in which case I die painfully. If it goes well, I come out unscratched and set for life.
Geese for sure. They're made of bird and thus have hollow bones that easily breaks when kicked. Hell, give me 10 geese at the same time
What kind of bear are we talking? If it's a sun bear sure, anything other no.
Brown bear
They can run about 60 km/h so even if I get a bow they'd fuck me up in an instant. Geese it is
I guess this is probably stretching the definition of a weapon but I have to imagine there's some sort of snare or net trap that I could learn to set up effectively in a month. From there either the bear starves or injures itself in such a way that it's not a big risk to me
That's an innovative idea.
In my mind you both were released into an arena so its funny imagining rushing to set up a net in a hurry
Crossbow was invented in the BC's. Or a solid spear really.
No ranged weapons
Oh come on, even if it worked, OP was going to miss or not critically wound it. I'd assume spare arrows would count as extra, and reloading takes time a bear won't allow.
The spear actually was the preferred choice by people who did this.
Ah ah, no modifying the terms after the initial statement.
Besides, @Stern@lemmy.world 's early prototype crossbow won't do them much good unless they have the upper body strength to draw it, which basically required lifelong training to do effectively.
Same goes for the spear - not much good if you don't have the strength to push it through the ribcage into the heart. Anything else is just going to make the bear angrier.
Bear spears are usually used in a way that you just plant it in the ground and let the bear run into it, hopefully piercing its heart! Or else you have a pissed of bear about a metre from your face lmao So a bear spear is viable if you are brave, dumb, steady and knows where to aim it
'You poked my heart'
Good thing I can still pick a spear then.
Personally I'd be fucked vs a bear, even with a spear
I feel like a month of spear training you'd have a decent chance. Not as high as against the geese where you just grab by the neck and smash, but not infinetesimal either.
I'll take both, set the bear on the geese and reap the rewards. The bear gets to live too, and gets lunch!
Eh, that's still a wide range of weaponry there.
Not gonna fuck with a bear at my age and health level though. Geese all blood raged would be doable at least. Not easy, but at least when a goose lands a hit, it isn't going to leave you crippled and fucked.
Yeah geese are much easier to fuck up
geese
Just give me the geese
Bear, poisoned slowly over the preceding month, and then grab the geese by their necks and swing their bodies in a circle to snap their vertebrae. Done. Easiest 10.2 mil.
I will take the bear and spend the month digging a pit which the bear must cross to reach me, and filling that pit with a mixture of sulfur, pitch and oil which will stick to the bear and catch fire quickly.
I'm imagining you both being released into a gladiator style arena
Oh, well even easier then. The Colosseum's floor is already hollow, and at one point in its history they removed the floor panels and filled it up with water to re-enact naval battles. All I need to do is prep a line across it as a moat, fill it with the flammable mixture, then chuck a torch into it.