Ask Lemmy

Don't take anything personally.

Everybody moves at a different speed, and if the speed isn't working for you, take it as a sign. I have found that people who take their sweet time responding end up being a little selfish, because they don't see you as a person who's investing time to get to know them, all they see is when it's convenient for them to reply.

Sometimes people go on a date and have a great time and then they just don't go back on the app. Likewise, sometimes people go on the app and they only need about 24 hours to feel like that was a huge mistake and they don't come back.

And as for declining or not responding to a blurb. I feel that's completely fine, you don't even need to reply. Not everybody is for everybody, and it's not your job to soothe feelings. Swiping the other way, or ignoring, is a clear sign you're not interested, and that's all is required in the adult world.

Value yourself dude, it's not worth the brain damage of trying to accommodate people who don't reciprocate or acknowledge effort you put in

If they don't respond, then move on to the next one.

Dating online is an extreme numbers game, eventually you will match with someone who gives enough of a shit to reply.

Others covered a lot, but also never forget those apps have huge bot problems and many manipulate shit themselves.

Their financial goal is to keep you using the site and engaged, not to help you find a partner.

For the first question - well, first of all, don't spend too much time or effort writing this blurb. After all, you don't even know this person - why waste your time writing a deep dive thinkpiece? If they like but don't respond, I say something cheeky that explicitly opens the conversation.

For the second question: because people are lazy, or not really interested in dating apps in general but are just bored, or are bots, or a million other reasons. You'll never know, and it doesnt matter. Write a message, throw it away, move on to the next one. Again, you two don't know each other. You owe each other nothing.

In my experience, the matching part doesn't really mean anything other than the conversation between the two of you is now possible. Both of you need to participate in that conversation. And it needs to go well if it means you'll have a date. The statistics are not great for men, and nothing is organic about the process, so you just have to protect your feelings and understand that if they don't talk to you, or if it doesn't go well, it can be for any number of reasons.

Try your best to not get frustrated, because each individual person is doing their own thing, it's not you versus all potential matches. You are you. They are them. It just doesn't work out sometimes

1st question: They are not interested in you.

2nd question: I get interest from women on apps who I have on interest in, who are often horribly incompatible with me. Why they are so interested in me, I will NEVER know. I ignore/block them. I have wasted so many years of my life dating people who were incompatible liars who only wanted to date me for shallow reason and I'm never making that mistake again. Responding to people is stupid if you are not interested in them.

What I expect is to go on dates with people who compatible with me and possible interested in me. What I mostly get is women who are completely disinterested in me if we are compatible, and lots of interest from incompatible women.

Do not have substantial discussions on an app. Move towards a first date immediately and if they don't respond they weren't real anyway. There are a few types on these things, bots, ego matches, scared or ego chatters, real daters... Real daters understand a match means a date in the real world and will actively engage in making that happen... Everything else is just noise to throw away.

Give them a few days or week to respond and then attempt to engage the conversation again with a different blurb.

1. Move on. Whatever happened, they're not interested enough to respond.

2. I usually respond to thoughtful comments even if I'm not interested. When I don't it's because I started dating someone/got busy and haven't had time to go through all the messages -OR- it wasn't as thoughtful or witty as they think and I don't want to engage.

Some examples:

• "You sound like a lot of fun. My wife and I recently opened our relationship and..."

• "You don't seem like other girls, a rare find in this place..."

• "I know your profile says no one over (x) years old but I'm (2x) and..."

• "You look like lots of fun. My wife, her boyfriend and I have opened our relationship and..."

Depends on the site, but since they're all swipe swipe swipe tinder clones now I'd have to guess they were quick swiping people they found attractive. The algorithm happened to show you to them since you reached out, but they either weren't in the mood to actually engage in that moment or they found some other reason to not move forward after matching.

Move on, send more messages. Understand that women get bombarded with messages, like 100+ every day, and they can't respond to all of them. You didn't make the cut this time but eventually you will.

Everyone out here acting like failure to respond on #1 is negative. Maybe they got caught up in some shit, like life? Had that happen many times and they came back apologizing.

They may have been plotting on another date but it fell through. Nothing wrong with that, we all out here doing best we can. Was going to meet a girl Saturday at noon, texted her to say I'd been on a date Friday night and was, in fact, still in bed with said date.

"Shalafi you DOG! You go boy!"

NOTE: This woman lived with her boyfriend in a very open relationship. Just illustrating what can go on behind the scenes. Plus, it was pretty funny. We hooked up a year later. :)

Give them a day and a half, ask them out. Drop it if no response. See my other comments for more details on the asking bit.

#2: I fucking hate it, but it seems protocol to simply ignore anyone you're not interested in. Guess many people can't manage a polite thank-you/blow-off reply. And some people will take any reply to mean interest, no matter how clear your disinterest.

Move on mate. Plenty of fish in the sea to sweat the minnows.

Just...don't. Don't date.