Honestly, pass me a shovel, we're gonna make lending money to this bastard the most profitable decision she ever made!
this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2025
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How do I acquire witch wife.
To attract a witch, work on yourself first:
- Go barefoot when commuting
- Fly a kite at night
- Combine all your condiments into a single d20 die
- Place lanyards on foxes and invite them into your workplace
- Strike matches to punctuate your sentences
- Sweep your cloak or cape magnanimously when greeting people
- Give serious but subtle head nods to misbehaving children
- Carve messages into stones and throw them into water fountains
- Use an umbrella for everything except rain.
The witches will come.
This all makes sense except for the condiments.
if you've never played a spicy game of DnD, that's on you
They'll come alright.
This looks like the technically correct method here.
I found mine on the Internet
While the other commenter's post seems valid, an alternative that worked for me was: 1) acquire wife, 2) give her the support and freedom in your personal journeys to become witches together, then (optional) 3) make spooky noises together.
It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why ARE we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God, watching everything. Y'know, with a plan for us and stuff? I dunno, man. But it keeps me up at night.
Have a drink.
It's always interesting to see some young person wracking their brain over these unanswerable questions that us older people also used to wrack our brains over, but no one knows the answers to these questions. But some people claim to find some existential relief after going on Ayahuasca or mushroom or LSD or DMT trips 🤷🏼♀️ Which IMO seems like a lazy (and possibly dangerous) path to enlightenment but I've never tried any drugs, so...