Ask Lemmy

I saw a guy dressed as a moose carrying another guy who looked stoned get almost run over by a ship.

A few of my friends refuse to believe that a mutual friend who was my neighbour at uni was and is black and had family members visit from Jamaica. He was very white passing though.

I'm not sure who believes and who doesn't, but I've been in more than 30 car collisions. I'm not sure exactly how many because I've lost track.

One was an offset head-on collision. I think the other driver fell asleep. He claimed I came into his lane and hit him, but the impact shattered the windshield washer fluid in my car, and destroyed the front-right tire. The impact left a puddle of fluid in the middle of my lane, and the rim of the front right wheel left grooves in the street leading from where my car stopped back to the point of impact.

I was sideswiped three times. All three were hit and runs. One of them was caught on my dash cam and I got my deductible back. The other two got away.

All the rest were rear-end collisions. It happened so many times that I started to think I must be doing something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what. Around that time I happened to look in the rear view mirror just before the impact to see the driver looking down at something on the passenger seat beside him.

Since then, I've understandably become very aware of what the drivers behind me are doing.

The last two times:

In late 2021 I was approaching an intersection and had a green light, but on the other side of the intersection was a school bus letting out kids. I stopped, and the jeep behind me hit me at full speed. My truck was totaled. I was knocked very briefly unconscious, but I was able to control the truck as I was pushed through the intersection and stopped.

Ironically, I had been thinking about trading in my truck for a new model. That day, on the drive home before the collision, I decided I wanted to keep it.

At the time, getting a replacement took months. I was getting to and from work driving the Civic that we bought for the kids to use. Two months after the truck was totaled I was in slow, stop-and-go traffic. Every time I had to stop, the car behind me would pull all the way up to within inches of my bumper. I wanted to scream at him. Of course, the person behind him hit him, and pushed him into me.

Luckily, that time it was slow, low speed impact. Easy damage to fix.

For the love of all that's holy, follow at a safe distance! Three seconds minimum between you and the car in front of you. And when you stop, stop far enough back to see where the tires on the car in front of you touch the street.

If you want to slipstream (aka, drafting), become a race car driver.

I've had 7 car-deer collisions.

When I was 10, I went on a trip to Venezuela. At this restaurant in Caracas, I went into the bathroom. It was a single person bathroom. For some reason the door had slide locks on both sides. While I was in there, some kid locked the door from the outside (I could see through a narrow gap). It was a real door, not a stall door. I couldn't unlock it. I started panicking a little and kicking the door. Eventually a waiter let me out.

I'm still confused about why that door could be locked on the outside.

Serious trigger warning

I had a popular youtuber in my hotel room at one point at a convention recrntly but they were in a fursuit and I only recognized them by their voice. I promised them I would not say who they are but even if I said who it was I doubt people would believe it because they are not a furry youtuber.

edit: Someone guessed it but I'm not gonna confirm who.

Late in my high school career I got accosted by some dillweed in an empty hallway. I have no idea what his beef was, but what with my lifelong predilection for being an insufferable snarky asshole it's not tough to imagine pretty much anybody could potentially have a bee in their bonnet over something I said to them at some point, once they had a couple of days to ruminate over it and maybe look up some of the longer words. And for all anyone knew I was just some scrawny nerd who did calligraphy and played stupid card games. Easy pickings.

Anyway, this punk comes stampeding up to me while popping off at the mouth over how he's going to whoop my ass and I'm a bitch and this and that and the other thing. I figure I know what he's going to do. He's either going to do that braindead bully maneuver where he tries to crowd your personal space with his face 2" in front of yours while yelling and flapping his arms around behind and to the sides like a hysterial chicken, in which case I'm going to kick him smartly in the balls. That, or he's going to try to tackle me.

He tries to tackle me.

Since I saw this coming from a mile away I cut him off by grabbing him by the throat with one hand, roughly the belt with the other, used his own momentum to hoist him up onto one shoulder, and I swear upon my oath that I did a Shinkuu Nage on this motherfucker right over my head and threw him flat on his back onto the tile floor.

Pose at the end and everything. I couldn't resist. No one witnessed this except him and me. I wish I had it on video. And that was the end of that. Curiously, after this it seems he had suddenly run out of things to say. He elected not to get up. I left him there and walked away.

I did a lot of unwisely flamboyant kung-fu shit on people in my younger years, often to only middling success. But this was perfect, and I will probably never pull it off again so long as I live.

i saw a boat almost hit a guy riding a moose

I don't get all the moose and ship references, but in my family we call this kind of thing a moose story.

Back when my uncle was like 7, in fairbanks alaska, he came home from school and said he saw a moose. That's nice, everyone agreed. And he walked right up to it. Oh did you? And punched it right in the nose. No, you didn't though, did you?

60+ years later he still maintains that happened.

This is tangentally related, if I ever meet a celeberty, and get the chance I would ask if they could take a photo of me, not with them in shot, but them taking the photo.

I just find it hillarious that I would have a random photo of me with a hidden history that could never be proven, and I believe that most celeberties would find it funny to do the reverse of what they normally have to do with fans.

I have seen a ship and a moose.

This is gonna be absolutely crazy and coincidental since seemingly everyone here has a moose story, but my freshman year of highschool we had a bit of a lockdown because a moose wandered on campus. Our school was nowhere near a forest or any other area where it could have easily wandered over. Our school was pretty far in our pretty big city.

This is not me playing a bit because of all the moose comments. I thought it was a deer, until I asked my mom because I couldn't remember whether I was right or not. I only remembered it wasn't super serious, but we were told we couldn't go outside because of it and I think we were also told to stay away from the windows as well, as a safety precaution.

I was in the middle of English in the morning when this was happening.

Edit:

I don't remember how it got onto our campus and might look it up later. Might even leave another edit with how it got on campus.

I used a saw to remove a dead men’s leg.

I got shot with an arrow but it hit my rib and bounced off. I'm sure my jacket also did some deflection too.

A friend thought he could land an arrow next to me to surprise me - Turns out he's a bad shot.