I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely and under appreciated. I hope you find the support you crave.

Thank you all for the replies!

Between some time having passed, having a couple of short cries at work in the bathroom, blasting my thoughts on the internet, and then reading all the nice comments, I am feeling much better! Just writing all that and sending it took a huge weight off my shoulders.

I almost feel like I was being a bit of a drama queen now lol

Life is still fun, things aren't so bad. Give me a few weeks and I'll have another crush

Acquaintance** is the word you're looking for. An Acquittance is a statement/document that says you paid off/no longer owe a debt.

Therapy. Right now. We are random strangers on the internet. In the year 2026 that means 99.9999999999999% of us are terminally online losers that not only don't care about you personally, but we're also data harvesting AIs that can't personally care about anything.

Having said that; That's a rough place to be man. Life sucks, and then you die. I've been in a similar place, and even those of us great at making friends struggle with understanding the fundamentals. You are taking actions that are proven and well understood friendship catalysts. It is not your actions making you feel this way, it is a feedback loop stemming from a combination of a lack of skill and a selection bias. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.

Something that helped me a lot when I had similar experiences was simply being more direct. People struggle with understanding subtly and context clues. Subtly is one of the hardest communication forms to master. You struggle with social situations. Act like a child, pretend you are writing for Netflix, and literally just full on exposition your feelings to people. "I am trying to make new friends, because I am lonely." "I would like to date you, because I like you" "I also like XYZ, can I be invited to XYZ?" Always frame it with some form of reasoning: I want X Because Y // Because Y, I want X. Yes it feels stupid, yes you will look childish, yes you will often be given very patronizing reasons why you can or can't be included, but in terms of social cues you lack both knowledge and a matured set of skills. Socially speaking you are effectively a caveman; put down the scalpel and stop trying to use nuanced surgical precision until you've mastered the basics of unga bunga with a social machete.

It's a tragic truth that the less happy a person seems, the less likely it is for them to find a partner, which only makes the situation worse. My only advice: learn to be happy by yourself. Learn to let go of expectations of others, they're human and just like you (and I) full of errors.

Know that you aren't alone with how you're feeling.

I’m older so don’t have anything that might help you on your quest. I know things are very different out in the world. So many people are islands.

Are you an introverted type of person? Its great that you made an effort to get out there. Maybe rather than thinking about the goal you are trying to reach, look at the perspective of what you have gained in the last year. Maybe you are getting better at chatting, or you tried some new things. Personal growth takes time, and it tests you.

I have a few cliche mantras that help me. 2 I think you could help maybe.

1. You win some, you lose some. This can be applied to friends, girls. That’s life, it’s not personal, hence why the saying exists.
2. You live and learn, jt kinda follows you win some and you lose some you learn from each meeting/friendship.

I do think you are doing a great job at being respectful, it’s important in today’s world. You sound like you are gradually building self confidence rather than ego. Be proud of that…and maybe look at what makes you happy and go a little crazy on that.

This place is great if you ever need a small chat, there’s some decent posters on here.

Sorry you’re going through it, stranger. I’m sure this isn’t much solace, because it won’t help you with your loneliness or frustration, but you sound like you have a very healthy outlook on boundaries and you’re going at your attempts in a healthy way.

I was lucky enough to not need online dating, but from what everyone tells me and what I read online, it sounds very soul suckingly rough. You’re definitely not the only one feeling that way. Again, not much solace as it doesn’t fix things. I’ve also run into many people in my life that can’t seem to remember who I am, for some reason. I’ve found those kinds of people aren’t much worth knowing anyway. I encourage you to keep trying. You never know how close you are to that one moment that will change your life. Shit, I found my wife though mutual friends. We had been in similar circles but never once ran into each other in over a decade of chances. To make it even funnier, we met in a townie bar we both hate. I’ll often sing Rihanna “We found love in a hopeless place” and she rolls her eyes at me.

Keep at it, I’m rooting for you.

The smartest man i knew once told me, "never play chess with an ass full of diarrhea". Surely that applies here. I can think of some juvenile internet folks reccomending buying a six axis fleshlight piloting recreational device - but thats just a temporary distraction.

Staying concientscious about it seems right, but something different is probably necessary to expect new outcomes. Always book clubs or more public sports like bicycling, indoor climbing for engagement opportunities. Undeniably loneliness is arduous though. People (not me i guess, silently) are silently empathetic, it may aid your headspace.

Man I so get that. As an amateur explanation as to what happened to that girl that "picked you up just to push you back down," Have you heard about Relationship Attachment Styles?

Because it sounds like she started off as "anxious" and then progressed to "avoidant." This happens in people who did not have a secure, loving relationship with their primary caregivers. Most people actually fall into these two categories, and oddly enough, they attract each other.

An anxious attachment person is very insecure in relationships, and requires a lot of reassurance that they are loved. While an avoidant attachment person is similarly insecure in relationships, but their tactic is to distance themselves from their romantic partner, because the closer someone gets, the more they can hurt you. These are emotional survival strategies.

Another thing about a relationship between an anxious and an avoidant, is that they can often switch roles dynamically through the relationship, even shifting about throughout the course of a single conversation. They can begin with a sincere desire for connection and intimacy, but once they get it, it becomes too much, and they have to back off. Because the people that should have been a source of unconditional love when they were a child, weren't.

Really fucks you up, when the one or two people in the whole world who should love you unconditionally, don't. Makes you think that there's something wrong with you (when the problem really lies within the parent, and their own dysfunctional relationships/ lack of understanding), and leaves you simultaneously craving intimacy, while being afraid of it. Because if they get too close, then they'll realize that you're not actually worthy of love, and reaffirm that same terrible thought you had as a child "they don't love me because I'm not worthy of love. There's something wrong with me, and that's why they don't love me."

So your description of her initially pursuing you, getting what she wanted, only to turn tail and run, could be precisely this. She wants to love, but love is dangerous.

Anyway, long way of saying it's not you, mate. It's 99% likely she's just dealing with the same issues you are.

Don't give up. We'll find love, even if it takes a minute.

I don't have much to say other than I hear ya. I'm in a very similar situation. I tried online dating and generally trying to meet people for almost 10 years. I just gave up last year. Turning 40 and renting a garage "apartment" because actual living demands 2 incomes isn't fun for sure.

One thing I often have to remind myself of is "life isn't a fairy tale. Some people just don't get the happy ever after by no real fault of their own, just circumstance." Not sure if that makes you feel any better, but it helps me distance myself from the "blame." Stopping myself from berating myself for being a failure is needed pretty often because I tend to be ruthless in my criticism of myself. I hope things work out for you in the end!

I've got nothing to add, just letting you know another person read your post, agrees you're doing a really good job at boundaries and putting yourself out there and you just haven't been lucky enough to stumble on the right people for you. I'd have no non family friends right now if a local extrovert hadn't adopted me. Good luck

Also, idk if this is helpful or if it's any good for guys but I did bumble (friendship) a few years ago, and it was nice. There were a ton of people, some new to town, some whose friends had moved away. It's like a dating app but for friends, and you seem like you'd be an attractive friend on there. You're stable, you do activities, you're just looking for some buddies.

Sorry things aren't going the way you want, fellow lemming. And I'm sorry that some random person on the street felt the need to comment on your appearance. I'll never understand those types of people. I wouldn't put too much stock into what that person said, but, and I don't mean this to sound flippant or anything, even if you did resemble Shrek in some way, I know for a fact that there are a lot of people out there that are SUPER horny for Shrek. I think a big part of being "successful" in life is being able to objectively take stock of what you've got going on as a person and find ways to play to your strengths, and whenever possible, be on the lookout for times when you can spin your "weaknesses" into something more positive.