this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Syndication@lemmy.today 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Ngl I thought this was going to be a really fucked up greentext as soon as I read the word "cancer".

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today -2 points 49 minutes ago (1 children)

He got utterly cuckolded, what is not fucked up about this?

[–] RepleteLocum@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 43 minutes ago (1 children)

Sometimes relationships just don't work out?

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today -1 points 26 minutes ago (1 children)

Cool that he is wholesome even then, but he shared quite the moment and relationship with a person he will never see again. It is very one-sided.

Anon is still kind of a loser here, when you think about it, despite doing the right thing.

[–] Zos_Kia@jlai.lu 1 points 12 minutes ago (1 children)

What a strange take. He's a loser because he has an ex?

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 points 4 minutes ago

He gave everything to person, got dumped, which is always a risk, but never got a new girlfriend. Now I know this is not what happened, but it makes him look like he got used as a stepping stone, and is still happy about it.

99% of these end in some doomed 30+ year old, being happy about some other thing, while their life is awful, and they rot away slowly.

They all seem so oblivious.

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 45 points 21 hours ago

I gotta admit, I like wholesome greentexts

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 27 points 19 hours ago

I did not expect anything wholesome from this c/...

[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 34 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)

Fake: anon had a girlfriend

Gay: anon had dated someone who had sex with a man

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 6 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I seriously don't get what's fun about this nihilism and gay-shaming.

[–] damnedfurry@lemmy.world 30 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

It's just a running joke for greentexts to call them "fake and gay", which became having to come up with some justification to attach both labels to the story instead of just saying it is. This is completely regardless of what the greentext actually consists of.

The more you have to stretch to make the labels fit, the funnier it is.

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 15 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, and I find it funny precisely because of the stretching to make the labels — it makes it feel like it's making fun of people who would unironically call things fake and gay in a manner that was nihilistic and homophobic.

It's similar to how I hate the "git gud" gatekeeping that can be quite prominent amongst fans of games like Dark Souls. However, I take great joy in saying "git gud" in a context where it's patently absurd, like when my housemate arrives home completely drenched from torrential rain. It turns the joke back on the gatekeepy rhetoric

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 points 47 minutes ago

I used to behave this way, but people took me seriously every time. Like saying Veterans should die off, because they are no longer of use (as criticism to our way of seeing humans as expendable) and I became very hated for this.

[–] glibg@lemmy.ca 35 points 1 day ago

Surprisingly touching, thanks for sharing

[–] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 53 points 1 day ago (4 children)

My ex from 16 years ago (16 year olds) wished me happy birthday the other week. Was weird we're both married with kids and never speak at all

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 44 points 21 hours ago

She’s DTF

(Doing The Friendship)

[–] Beryl@jlai.lu 20 points 22 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 8 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah just way outta the blue, now the real question is so I have to remember hers now? Cause I don't think i do haha

[–] obelisk_complex@piefed.ca 7 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

If you want to, ask her and put it in your calendar! It's always nice to know someone remembers you fondly enough to send well wishes 😊

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 4 points 13 hours ago

Yeah, this is great advice. It's unfortunate when pressure to do social niceties holds you back from enjoying meaningful connection with people. Some people are better at remembering dates than others, and caring enough to ask (and put it in one's calendar) is at least as powerful a gesture as actually remembering it.

OP could take a jokey tone to things, such as by expressing surprise that she was able to remember, and then asking what her birthday is

[–] anonklay@lemmy.world 6 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

why is it weird? I do that too.

[–] k0e3@lemmy.ca -1 points 19 hours ago (1 children)
[–] anonklay@lemmy.world 2 points 55 minutes ago

Because you’re weird

i learn nothing from this

[–] redditmademedoit@piefed.zip 71 points 1 day ago

Gay: didn't wish for a blowjob, fake: she probably thinks of him too.

fug where is the funny!?! 😭

[–] SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 47 points 1 day ago
[–] RacerX@lemmy.zip 6 points 20 hours ago

Can confirm. Am bassist for Northstar.

Thank you, Anon.

[–] yuriRO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago

Fuck man, i was not ready