Ask Lemmy

I felt the same. I feel free and like I had a new energy for life. It was a bad relationship and was depressing me.

Mine happened over the phone back in 2012. One of the best decisions I've made was to break up with her. We were arguing about something (no idea about what, anymore) and I angrily shouted (in ptbr) "You don't need to call me anymore, ever again, it's over for us! Good bye!" - She was very angry at me and tried to call me back several times, I turned off my cell phone and disconnected the cord of the home phone. Since those weren't working, she called my mom, to which I replied "Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear.", finishing the call without letting her speak.

The relief I felt then was HUGE.

My girlfriend of 3 years simply ghosted me. I was 22. In my naivete I attempted to call her to at least make sure she was OK for about two weeks. She never answered the phone, never returned my calls. We also had started talking about marriage as well.

It was completely debilitating. Depression, anger, sadness, and a feeling of just being completely worthless. It catastrophically affected my dating life throughout my entire 20's. From the ages of 22 to 30, I had exactly one other girlfriend and she was more of a FWB than anything else as she was much older than me.

I did start dating around when I hit 30, but it was just one disaster after another. So much so, that I considered myself to be the common denominator and decided to just be a permanent bachelor. It was fairly obvious to me that there was something wrong with me and that's why I was having such bad luck.

Then I met the future Mrs CanopyFlyer in 2004. We've been together ever since. So it turned out that yeah, all those women I dated in my early thirties were all assholes. My wife is the best human being I have ever known.

Hmmm... Maybe that just gave her the patience to deal with such a jerk as myself.... NO, it was all the girls I dated that were the problem!

Oh, awful. We dated for several years. He moved across the country on short notice. Just let me know one day after work he was moving back to his moms. I felt that abandonment for multiple years. But inadvertently ended up with several degrees and a nice job because I didn’t stay with him and continue doing whatever I could to be next to him like a puppy. Now I realize relationships aren’t everything. To be honest he didn’t deserve my love and it’s sickening that I’ve never liked anyone nearly as much even decades later.

On today’s episode of What Could Possibly Go Wrong, a young, hypersexual girl announces to the internet that she is recently single. Let’s take it over to Kevin who’s live on the scene, and see how events unfold…

It was very dumb and looking back I really can't understand why I felt so strongly, but when I was in high school it really felt like the end of the world/my life was ending. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe and blasted songs like this at full volume.

I initiated it, but she readily agreed. I think we both knew after 5 years together that it wasn't working. I remember hugging and driving away and then suddenly feeling really upset. It was the uncertainty I didn't like. I'd grown used to having a partner for events, movies etc.

I'm married now with a family and, surprisingly, never really think of any of my exes. But at the time, yeah, I found it quite unsettling.

The same way as you. I was really proud I did it so well.

I had no idea it was coming and was destroyed. Pretty sure it was my tism that made me any hints, but still. There was a lot of ugly crying. I honestly don't remember much else, but I also don't remember a lot of my life. I was around 16 or 17 so that was 20 years ago.

Confused and conflicted. My first long term relationship was with a woman where we realistically had little chance of a future -- she had become unemployed during our time together, and she didnt see any reason to get another job for the two years it dragged on for after that. Then she started saying I, as the guy, should pay for a house for us to move into together, even though it's unrealistic for a regular guy to buy a house in his early adulthood, especially on a single salary.

Shortly after that, she had what I can only describe as some sort of mental break down. She started claiming she was an angel from another planet, and that her time playing mmos was preparing her for the true reality that every person is just an avatar and shit. She started self-harming/cutting. I couldn't support her in this, and I couldn't really see a clean way to get her help other than informing her immediate family (who all sorta noped out of helping). She still continued to imply I should be buying us a house together etc, which I absolutely couldn't do, nor would I want to cohabitate with a nutter. So we split.

Saw her months after the breakup for coffee/catchup, said she was training to be an exorcist through some shady guy who was paying her $5 a day to take care of his severely disabled parents. She implied exorcisms were done through certain sexual acts sometimes. So she seemed like she was clearly getting seriously taken advantage of due to her broken mental state.

Felt bad for her, glad that I'd 'dodged a bullet'. Though really the scars from that whole thing likely contributed to the reason I'm an old single person who's noped out of dating ;p

She prompted it and I accepted because what are you going to do? Stay in a one-sided relationship?

Honestly, it was the right call even if I immediately went into emotional triage to figure out when I had fucked up.

anyone else never had one? married my first gf and it's been a couple decades now lol

My first? Deeply hurt, confused, betrayed, bewildered, etc. It kicked off a delightful bout of depression that lasted almost a year and only ended because I had bigger things to worry about.

First guy ended up gay. Not that I have an issue with that, it was the lies and using me as a cover for his very religious family that stung.

Second cheated. Also stung

Third was actually a decent guy, I ended things with him because we just weren't compatible. That also kinda hurt because I didn't want to hurt him!

RIP your inbox

Intense emotional pain I couldn't get away from, which lasted a very long time. The sense that I can't trust anyone. Mild psychosis where I would temporarily convince myself we would get back together, despite trying hard to accept it and not think this way, just getting my thoughts overpowered by emotion. The feeling that who I am as a person does not exist anymore. Briefly feeling less pain by finding reasons to be angry, but not being able to maintain that anger. Eventually the pain subsided years later when I forgot what it felt like to be around her. Still have nightmares sometimes though.

I'm 37m now. I was with my first gf from age 18 to 24. I was a wreck for years. I didn't go on a date for at least a year. I didn't have sex for 2 years. I didn't get into another relationship for 5 years.

We had kinda been circling the drain for a while, so it shouldn't have been a surprise at the time, but I didn't know any world without her and I was scared to end it.

Looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, but in the moment it was awful. I was a depressed wreck for years.

Confused.

I didn't even know we were dating. I took a friend to see LOTR because she was just as into fantasy as me. A few days later, she "broke up" with me saying she wasn't ready for a relationship. I was like "What? but we're not dating?"

Miserable. But as the old saying goes: nothing gets you over the last one like getting under the next one.

Love lost hurts, but love isn't rare. You'll find it.

Really awful. We had been together for about 2 years and she just... disappeared. Lack of closure and not knowing if she was even safe was tough. Years later she contacted me and told me what happened.

Despite being in my mid 30s I never had one. But I was rejected by someone I fell head over heels for. That was… bad enough, really.

First one was reasonably calm. We figured out that it would not work in the long run, cried a bit, and stayed friends for a few years.

Second breakup threw me completely off. I was sad for years, one could use the word depressed but I'll refrain from doing so unless someone professional issues the diagnose.

Absolutely devastated. I got on my bike and pedaled away as fast as my little legs could go. I dried my eyes and went to my grandma's house and had some cookies.

Relieved, tbh. It wasn't working, and it hadn't for a long time. We somehow drifted from being a couple to friends with benefits. And over time, I am reluctant to claim there was much if a friendship involved either.

We did have a lot of mutual friends, though, so we didn't cut contact. And about a year and a half later I was back in the area, and a bunch of us were out drinking. She was making out with some dude she met that night, possibly/probably in an effort to make me jealous. One of my friends asked me if I had any opinion on the matter, and I don't think I've been so honest ever again: "Never before have I felt so indifferent".

All my relationships ended while the next started - i am an honest guy and if i develop feelings for another person while in a relationship i do inform my partner before doing anything else.

The first one i practically fled - She was quite abusive and i moved out as fast as i could.

The second relationship was dead and it was obvious for both of us - high emotions were only in the moment i told her that i'm out, i was hit by a open red bull can, but afterwards it was calm.

The last one i was left by her - the relationship was dead too, but i still feel for her, and if had any chance of winning her back i would take it. alas, there is none.

Devastated.

You're really young and it was a long distance thing, right? Breakups around then are really manageable. The way you describe feeling sounds reasonable. I've felt similar following breakups, even big ones. My first serious girlfriend that I broke up with was actually exciting. She and I weren't really meshing and her friend (the one who got us together) had a thing for me. Ended up dating the friend within the same week (ah to be 15 again). That one ended way worse with cheating and all kinds of bullshit. It doesn't real get brutal until you're living with someone for years and then breakup.

I was devistated when my first girlfriend left me, I briefly considered suicide and was depressed for half a year. But ended up being a good thing, my second partner I've been with for much longer now and love to death.

(Male 37)

When I finally broke up with my first love in ninth grade after having endured her cheating on me with my best friend for two years - which I was aware of but didn't know how to deal with - I felt worthless, stupid, ugly, like a failure and I wanted to kill myself. Did some real damage to my hands to numb the pain. Even now, 25 years later, the whole ordeal still hurts mentally and physically. I know she was an incredibly horrible human being and I shouldn't punish myself for it, but that's easier said than done.

I've also broken up and got divorced about five years ago. We were together for eight years and married for four. This time, it was kind of amicable - we just had to go our separate ways even though we loved each other still - but it still felt horrible. I felt like puking for days after. It also shoved me into moderately severe depression and now I'm on meds for it.

I wish I didn't have feelings.

I'm also curious about this. I never had a breakup. Been married for 12 years.

I only had one real relationship before my wife, and I was the one broken up with.

I was devastated, and just generally sad for probably a month or so. After a while, I started to realize that my life with her would have been pretty bad. She was shallow, judgemental, not particularly bright, kinda bad in bed. I would've stayed with her out of loyalty though.

It gave me the push to improve myself and get out there more, and I became much happier than I was when we were together. I've been with my wife for 13 years now, and she's amazing.

I wasn't too upset, I'm the one who wanted it and this was in middle school. We just went our separate ways as best as I can remember, no one was particularly hurt. In my limited experience breakups go a lot smoother when you're both ready to call it quits, it's just a problem when it's only one of you that's done.

I mean first? Generally pretty sad but most did not even go very long or very far. I was pretty nerdy but I did some dating in high school so. Even after that. I mean I broke up with some and it was still sad. You want(ed) it to work. I can't see a scenario where I would decide to be in a relationship and not be sad when it ended. That said you can also be excited to be out and about looking although I find I need time before that happens.

I had high school “relationships” that were kids stuff. The first real relationship I had was in college. We dated over two years and when it ended I was.. RELIEVED.

I was just sick of her bullshit and she was pretty much just as sick of my bullshit.

The relationships ended when our lease ended and I was so happy to put her in my rear view.

I actually felt similar after the end of my last relationship. It was causing me a fair amount of stress and when I ended it, I felt relief. My first break up was way too long ago to really recall my exact feelings. But normally it's anger or sadness instead of relief. For me, the relief or feeling refreshed typically happens on reflection instead of immediately after.

fine

wasn't much of a breakup but then it wasn't much of a relationship