Ask Lemmy

Don't stay inside. Find the nearest place to where you live with a lot of trees and few people, and go there, and walk. It won't cure it, but at least won't make matters worse the way sitting being sad in your room will.

Cry. We get trained early to hold it in. Whether it's a good intentioned "please don't cry" or a heartless "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about", we learn when we're young that it's not okay to let out our emotions. But sadness passes in tears. My wife of 25 years died less than two months ago. I have good support from people who understand letting out your emotions and I've been crying hard almost every day since then. I'm mostly past the acute grief now. I'm getting out and doing things with people, spending time with friends. I still have moments where I see something of hers and have to take a moment to cry. But I'm up and living my life.

So be gentle with yourself. Hold space for your sadness and let the tears come. It's the only way I know of to pass through it.

A combination of exercise, physical activity and doing something that serves a purpose, for example doing some cleaning, tidy up an area of your room/house/desk because a cluttered environment has a massive impact on your mental state.

That "remember you are both the animal in the enclosure and the zookeeper taking care of them, so clean their enclosure and feed them." meme is more real than you could imagine, so grab a shower and have a long soak in a bath, eat something hearty but simple like a slowcooker stew with some rice (and don't feel bad about putting leftovers in the fridge)

I've been in the same state before, it's a hard one to build up the motivation at times, sometimes you just have to say "Fuckit, today I am taking things slow. There's nothing I NEED to do immediately." (And if there is, potter your way around and get it done at a pace you can manage, you'll feel better for having completed a task)

Sounds like you have some grieving to do. And that’s a lot of work. And it’s messy and there’s no direct route. But your therapist should be able to give you things to try.

I know this is cliche, but go outside and walk. Walk until you feel better. Even better, find a place with trees you can walk in. There are books written on this subject, the Japanese call it shinrin-yoku, or tree bathing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinrin-yoku

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. It sounds complicated in your case: a history of a depressive or lethargic baseline, medication in the mix and an unavoidable reminder of the rejection.

TV, computer games, etc, cannot meet human needs. We are an interdependent species that generally need meaningful human relationships.

I think that instead of figuring out how to not be sad, you might need to look at what has made you genuinely happy over the course of you life.

Also, do you have a diagnosis that justified the medication?

I am not a therapist so take my advice with a massive grain of salt.

My advice would be to get out of the house and go walk in nature or go hiking. This worked for my sadness and depression. In my case staying at home just made things worse and since I didn't feel like being among other people at the time hiking was my solution.

In my experience reading is much more efficient than watching/interacting with a screen. It doesn't need to be something thought provoking, might even be some comics if it suits you more. But written words have power because you make your own rendition in your mind.

knowing what you're sad about is half the battle. grief is emotion without an outlet.

have you thought about why you're trying to ignore or hold onto that sadness?

have a good cry, or paint something, or hell buy something beautiful and destroy it.

you need to find a healthy outlet for this emotion you're holding onto.

I once was overcome by a bad breakup, was spiraling and drinking myself stupid. one particular night I had enough and ripped a broken fridge out of my house and took a pickaxe and sledge hammer to it, then set it on fire.

The next day I woke up in my ditch, sore, exhausted, wet. I saw the fridge and was sad for myself. I realized that before I was sad at the loss but never felt sorry for myself. then I started to laugh at how absolutely absurd it was to pull a fridge out of my house, drag it 50 feet into my yard, and absolutely demolish it.

when I was laughing I knew I was going to be ok.

I do things that require my attention. Passive consumption of media like movies, books, music don't cut it for me. I go biking or motorcycling where distraction would mean an accident. Or I hit up a sports competition, especially with teammates who I feel some obligation towards to help me stay invested. Whatever it is, I try to find ways to force my attention out of spiraling thoughts.

Next few days off seems like a primo opportunity to break out of all sorts of routines and patterns. I would be looking to do something crazy new that requires a lot of active attention.

Move your body if you can, light to moderate exercise, even just going for a long walk is the absolute best non-medical treatment for depression. Your body makes a bunch of the feel good chemicals when you move that depression deprives you of. Also a change of scenery can help a lot. If there is a place you've wanted to go nearby like a museum or a park or something that can help you start to process and move on from a bad relationship end.

I live somewhere very hot so when I get like that, every other month or so, I go to a shopping mall and walk a few laps in the air conditioning and watch all the people. Your mileage may vary but walking around in places with a lot of people helps me.

It also might not hurt to talk to your provider about adjusting your medication if you feel like you are for more than a couple weeks. The most important thing to remember is that states like these are temporary, you have felt better before and you will again on the other side, you just have to get through it.

Aw I'm sorry you're going through this.

When I was at my worst, I volunteered at the food pantry almost every day. Helped me focus on tasks while sometimes interacting with people...overall distracted myself for moments of the day and made me feel a bit better about myself. Obviously, I couldn't volunteer 24/7, so it wasn't a cure-all, but it was something that helped to slightly lessen my pain at the time.

Unfortunately, a lot of volunteer gigs seem to be during normal working hours. At the time, I had off work so I was able to do it.

I know you're in therapy, but have you heard of DBT? Standard one on one talk therapy didn't work for me. I was put into a group therapy DBT program where it felt like they were essentially teaching it to us in a very structured manner.

The gist of DBT is basically saying that you have intense emotions and that's ok. It gives you various techniques about what to do when you have that intensity and how you can build a more satisfying life when that isn't happening.

The thing with all of these DBT techniques too is that they aren't going to all work for you. But if you really work at it and play around with it, you can find a combo that works ok to help make things in life more tolerable.

Would you say that the rejection triggered this current mood state? If so, I 100% relate to it and it is how a lot of my mood episodes seem to occur. If this is the case, would you mind talking about the event? I can go over some of the ways I might try to approach it with the skills I've learned.

"sadness" is just your subconscious processing things. it's like a small micro-factory hidden somewhere in your mind. you have the options to either

(a) be a slave-driver and demand it be done quickly so you can return to "joyful" things (a.k.a. wastes of time)
(b) or allow yourself to have the time to heal properly.

your decision, no one else's.

note: it helps spending time in the garden, among plants in general, or just any place where there's not too many cars driving by and making a noise.

Only thing that's ever helped me a little is getting into water. Bath, pool, river whatever you can. Sauna might also work. Cold plunge is even better.

Get a dog. Saved my life.

In addition to the above...

Sometimes you just tell yourself "time is passing, no matter what I do. Eventually it will be enough, even if I do nothing."

I took up the guitar during Covid, and it made me feel so good that I realized that I've been operating under a low-grade depression for a long, long time.

Try playing music, whatever moves you. It takes focus and concentration, and there's a significant learning curve, but it feels so good when you understand a new concept, and can apply it to your instrument. It takes mental and physical discipline, and progress there may help with the rest.

Sit with yourself. Journal. Walk. Be silent. Watch your thoughts come and go. Experience every emotion to the fullest. Get to know yourself again, light and dark sides. Radical acceptance. Radical surrender. Radical forgiveness.

MUSIC AND LETTING IT ALL OUT!

I can only recommend finding the root cause. Yeah, no small feat.

I thought and I might have had depressive episodes but the root was that I am an Autist and as such I had a completely wrong view of the whole situation and of me. This doesn't make it better per se but it's far more approachable.

Also had a therapist and while he helped me find that out he was no help for the resulting situation.

(edit: sorry for bad typing and autocorrect with bad eyesight lol)

Go get involved in a volunteer kitchen. That’s literally it. Social connectedness is the most close correlate with happiness, and that’s light exercise in meatspace (literally)

I don't necessarily escape it.

Usually, I keep busy. The feeling of nothing is enjoyable I know too. I switch to something else or wait for it to pass.

Things that help me are nature, exercise, and escapism. If you can, get out into nature and just observe it. Try to break a sweat for at least thirty minutes if you can, but any amount is beneficial. Escapism might be harder but if you have a longer attention span I'd recommend reading. For a shorter one I'd honestly recommend Tetris.

Set timers for mealtimes, workouts, and bedtimes

Overwhelming intoxication.

You don't. You take it and try to make sense of it.

In my experience fighting this just makes it take longer.

Allow yourself to feel sad and don't see it as something to avoid. Think about what can be learned from this, if anything can be learned from this.

Basically try to frame the experience as something that will help you in the future.

Sounds like you're depressed to me. My advice is learn to tolerate enduring pain then do things while you're not happy and even irritated.

To make it more tangible you play video games past the few minute mark and you make it a chore to get past the intro cinematic or tutorial level. You might not enjoy video games at the end of it but like you'll feel a little different.

I would say get curious to help you with what you're going through but I'm not sure if you'd have the inherit joy or exploring and you'd have to explore things by sheer force of will

Edit: you could use sheer force of will to try other people's advice.

Distractions, usually. Or I just accept it and let myself wallow, until I get sick of myself and bounce back.

I'm no help on this same problem.

As multiple users have already pointed out: 🌲 in the forest everything makes sense again. It resuscitated my photography—🦋 smetterling.eu—which you could do as well. To boot you can document your process, good and bad, on a small web blog:
🌐 Where's your website?

“How to have a proper small web website within minutes; free, lightweight, easy.”

Staying inside while feeling empty/aimless/uncertain is nearly always fruitless. When you have to stay in, at least do something with intent. Draw. Dance. Stretch. Calisthenics. Whatever. If you can, force yourself out and go to the nearest greenery avoiding the ruckus of people and the frustrating sound of cars.

"Researchers found that even low levels of traffic noise negatively affected the benefits to wellbeing that could otherwise be derived from listening to natural sounds." ―Found via https://mastodon.social/@TheWarOnCars/117162428401203766

All that and sports, running, rollerskating, et cetera. Get your blood flowing and muscles aching. Good luck.

Do you have someone you can trust to talk to in person, like a friend? Sometimes the best balm for the burn of a rejection is the acceptance of a friend.

Drugs.

Have you tried to regularly exercise and walk through a natural trail of some sort near where you live?

According to the dual process model of grief, healthy grieving involves a good flow between loss oriented grieving and restoration oriented grieving. A rejection follows the same principle.

You need to make time to cry and feel sad and think about the rejection. And you need to make time to play and be happy and put it out of mind. Healthy grieving involves both.