Iβd walk to a lemonade stand to see if they had any grapes.
this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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Then (and I cannot emphasize this enough) I'd waddle away.
Till the very next day?
It's been 84 years...
Put on a blue cap, blue nautical shirt; but, and I can't stress this enough, NO PANTS.
FLY!
Damn, 3 hour old post and no one said FLY!? Yaβall need to be ducks more oftenβ¦
This guy ducks
Autocorrect has its moment of glory!
Open a wine bottle, maybe? Put the corkscrew to use.
"Bro, you see that duck over there? It stole my wine bottle"
"Do you want it back? It's already open now." "You know what? I think I'll pass."
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Quack
Came here to quack, was not disappointed
Murder.
Peace was never an option.
Head downtown & act cute until a college girl adopts me as her pet. Duck-nuzzle some boobies.
Check if my quack has an echo
I would learn to fly and then fly to one of those parks where secret service agents meet. Become a spy and sell the intelligence I gather.
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I find someone with a corkscrew fetish.
- explain the whole thing to my partner and ask them to protect me.
Failing that:
-
carefully waddle to where I know people feed ducks
-
practice flying and copy other ducks
-
ask other ducks for tips
Find /u/fuckswithducks
Peace was never an option.
Pretty sure I'd drop my phone.
Betray my country.
Cover my feathers in wax like substance from my ass glands. Once I'm all waxed up I go for a swim.
Iβd float around in the water as my body would now resemble a boat.
Fly into the sunset.
I would have an exploding corkscrew penis. I'll find ways to entertain myself.
Probably contacting some media outlets to try and monetize my talking-duck status, and wondering if if my life expectancy is on par with duck or human.
Do you want to end up being dissected in a government lab? Because that's how you get dissected in a government lab.
Probably make a poo on the floor.
Either mine or in the hallway (if I know how to open the door).
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I start wondering if I'm ugly.
Probably open up my phone and pull up youtube to watch some duck documentaries. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or what things out there are usually wanting to eat me.
Immediately make a joke about quacking up.
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