askchapo

cw: death

I just look them in the eye as I tell them about how I held my mother's hand as she drown in her own liquefied lungs. This was after I threw up a few times from the hours long horror show of restraining her as she flailed around in a panicked delerium of trying to pull her breathing mask off, already too brain damaged to understand it would kill her. Until finally the staff who were devoting the precious time they could to people they could actually save, got to her with some sedatives.

She had gotten so confused in those last couple of days before the turn. My dad caught it too and was not at all with it, but not hospitalized. My mom called him and he couldn't even register that the phone was ringing. He heard the voicemail a week after she died... She was asking for him to come see her, confused and scared, not knowing where anyone was or why she was there.

Death rattle, if you've been there at the end for someone you know it. Thing is, there was nothing left to "rattle", just the last puff of air at the top of her lungs that she didn't have the strength to hold on to, naturally flowing out into a faint groan. Her heart monitor getting weaker, stopping, a few seconds later and another set of beats that looked more like a scribble than rhythm. Another pause, another attempt at the nervous system trying to grasp for life that just isn't there. Gone.

All because of the bullshit and lies. She was about to get the J&J vaccine because it was a normal type of vaccine, but then the brief blood clot scare that the news overhyped scared her off of it. She was begging for the vaccine shortly before the turn, but couldn't understand that it was too late.

How do I stay sane? I work to help people in any way I can. I try to enjoy what little time I have on earth. I build things that interest me. I play with my dog. I spend time loving my partner, and with my friends. Those people are going to die, so will you, so will I, and every single person that exists or will exist. So focus on living what you've got, because it's all you get and these stupid jerks and the stupid things they do and say will distract you from the shit that matters.

data

Positive tests, hospitalizations and deaths are all increasing (in the US). You're not crazy, everyone else is in denial and avoiding sources of information that would punch holes in their bubbles.

I keep in mind that we were outrageously correct about the War on Terror, climate change, and a bunch of other stuff. I'm in my mid forties, I'm ugly and nerdy and my parents are working class, and I'm used to people dismissing my opinions for a very long time.

How do I stay sane? Hate (maybe a better word is resistance). I hate nearly all white people I meet, and all rich people. I'm not some sort of ideal communist, but I care more about the opinions of the cleaners at work than my "work colleagues".

When I see yet another generic white dude not masking, or a posh person aggressively pushing back-to-normal, I barely register them as human. Maybe it's harsh, but it keeps me feeling OK.

Literally any time I get confronted for wearing a mask I just tell people (while slipping in small clearing of throat sounds) that I am currently positive for COVID, but we can't live in fear any more so I'm just trying to infect as few people as possible while getting back to normal.

As soon as they start freaking out at you because they now are able to conceptualize a hypothetical because it involves them personally, start repeating their disingenuous questions with the same tone that insinuates that they're a hypochondriac like "What are you so worried about? It's way less serious now." etc (it will 100% actually make them madder because now the hypothetical person whose safety is being dismissed is them) and once they're pissed about it you can start shaming them for their anger and ask why the fuck they mask shame people trying to make (literally any, even if only token) effort to protect themselves and others if they're so fucking mad about it when it personally involves them.

I bounce between that and making extremely belittling jokes about 9/11 (it helps that I'm a non American in America) only to completely dismiss their indignation and tone policing afterward by comparing the months where we losing more people per day than 9/11 because dipshits like them were too selfish to literally sit on their fucking hands and wait for the situation to slowly be brought back into control instead of making it worse, and asking why they can dismiss dozens of 9/11s and I can't dismiss the ONE that convinced them all to go a on a 20 year mass murder spree.

So I guess tl;dr: extreme hostility.

literally just ignore them, can't do much else.

also helps that i think masks are pretty cute i guess?

SAME.

Wore a mask to the shrink. "Are you afraid of COVID?" YES. "Are you afraid COVID is going to kill you?" YES. THESE ARE RATIONAL FEARS. I KNOW WHAT MY ANXIETY FEELS LIKE DAMMIT

Call doctor because my partner got COVID. "Oh you're young, COVID can't harm young people". NOTE: I AM VERY NOT YOUNG. I am old enough to have multiple kids with bachelors degrees.

Why?

you're not crazy. they're wrong. you can ignore them or confront them, but ultimately you're going to have to learn to live with them being wrong. just gotta do what you can to protect yourself.

Accept and cope for me.

I'm gonna get covid multiple times for the rest of my life regardless of how I try to avoid it. Best I can do is give someone an "I told you so" when they get long covid, but it's not worth much

Tbh, I've largely stopped putting much weight into the words of people who have been taken in by the "back to normal" . They get a big ol' sticker in my head and their opinions just don't carry much weight. I still love them and would like to help them, but I'm not gonna be able to butt heads with them into accepting reality. The way our behavior is determined typically happens at a level much broader than one on one interactions and so I try to spend my time thinking on how to fight the consent manufacturing machine. Mostly, I just avoid certain topics and focus on trying to be a good role model, and someone that can be there for them when shit gets so bad that they need help. Honestly, I get far more stressed worrying about the consequences of their ignorance than what they think of me.🤷‍♂️

cough in their face

Gaslighting is when someone lies to convince you of something they know is not true. The people who are telling you these things do not feel the same way about COVID as you. You are not being gaslit. You are being confronted with a perspective different than your own.

i have roommates i drive to work and one of their bosses is letting one of their coworkers come in for shifts after testing positive for covid 8 days ago, so hopefully we don't all die i guess.

Yeah my therapist has had similar sentiments. Considering it’s a as major source of my anxiety, I’m thinking I should find a new one.

When I figure out a way, I'll let you know

You can't accidentally lie, that's called being wrong a lot of people are lying about covid, but some people are just wrong.

Try to change your therapist. Somebody like that is a paid cognito-hazard. You can't argue with them.

My weird Catholic-convert dad had a faith healer who ripped him off by selling him bogus blood tests. His credentials included, I shit you not, teaching at a "holistic dental college" and writing long texts about how being a Catholic nerd would cure you.

When COVID came this quack told my dad not to worry, since he could cure it easily. Luckily he died, and my dad began seeing real doctors again before that would become relevant.

I know you shouldn't be a snitch but I reported the quack to the authorities for impersonating a doctor. I never got any response and I don't know if they did anything before he died though.